


Work in Progress

by edgarallanrose



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Canon Typical Alcohol/Drug Use, Character Development, Developing Relationship, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time Bottoming, From Sex to Love, Fuckbuddies, Gay Panic, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann, Miscommunication, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, POV William "Dex" Poindexter, Personal Growth, Poet Derek "Nursey" Nurse, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Year 3 (Check Please!)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:08:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27049945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgarallanrose/pseuds/edgarallanrose
Summary: “You won, so you’re better than me, right? That’s what we said this would prove?” Nursey drawled, pushing his wet hair away from his forehead. “Show me how it’s done. Then I can get you next time.”Next time.Nursey would need to start shutting the fuck up about next times or Dex would start believing this weird thing between them didn’t have an expiration date.Set during Dex and Nursey’s sophomore year, an arrangement that starts as something casual becomes a catalyst for personal realizations, new experiences, and emotional growth. If only they can learn to trust each other, and trust themselves.
Relationships: Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 149
Kudos: 243





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> At long last, I'm so excited to share this nurseydex fic with you! This fic is nearly two years in the making and is the longest fic I've ever written. Honestly, longest written work EVER - it's longer than my thesis was ahahaaa. The primary concept for this fic was Nursey and Dex having a developing relationship during the time period of Year 3 (their sophomore year) where Bitty's story was largely unchanged and this fic could have been going on in the background the entire time. That being said, this fic does significantly diverge from canon lol, but I hope you'll have fun catching the crossover canon moments (and several Huddle easter eggs)!
> 
> The secondary concept for this fic was“lol wouldn’t it be funny if Nursey and Dex started a casual sexual relationship, but the sex was really awful? And it takes them forever to realize that the reason they keep putting up with their disastrous sex life is because they actually genuinely love each other? Lololol.”
> 
> The result is approximately 30k of Dex character study lmao. Thank you to [Dancing_Adrift](https://twitter.com/Dancing_Adrift) and [wizardbuckley](https://wizardbuckley.tumblr.com/) for betaing and cheerleading this fic from the get go! I owe y'all so much, and am forever in your debt 💜
> 
> This fic is 100% complete, 8 chapters in total, and will update every Wednesday and Saturday until the fic is finished. I hope you enjoy!

Nursey drooled when he slept.

Dex would chirp him about not being able to keep his goddamn mouth shut even when he’s unconscious but then he also found it strangely endearing.

Also, if he said something then Nursey might stop sleeping with him. Or, sleeping next to him. After sleeping with him.

Same thing.

Dex was willing to put up with a few damp pillows every now and then just so he could watch the rise and fall of Nursey’s chest, witness the slow unraveling of his carefully coiffed curls, and listen to the snuffling sounds he made when he finally entered deep sleep.

Dex’s arm was starting to get that pins and needles feeling from being trapped under Nursey’s body. The streetlamp filtered through busted blinds on the window of Nursey’s single dorm room, making crisscross patterns of yellow light over the sheets.

If Nursey ever asked (and Nursey never did) how they ended up here, Dex would claim he had no fucking clue.

But that would be a boldfaced lie.

Dex knew exactly how they ended up here. Knew every painful, exhilarating, embarrassing step in the development of…whatever it was. He replayed it in his mind moment by moment every night before he drifted off to sleep.

SIX MONTHS EARLIER – FALL 2015

“Goddammit.” Dex frowned at his phone.

“What?” Chowder shouted over the music.

They were both hovering in the corner of the Haus living room, which had temporarily been converted into a dance floor. Holster was DJing while a clump of horny business majors danced and grinded in the same area where the Samwell Men’s Hockey team usually bummed around to eat pie and play Mario Kart. Farmer was dancing with some other friends from her volleyball team; Ransom and Bitty were twerking in the center of it all. And Dex had to stand there against the wall, sipping a Natty Light, while he watched Nursey dry hump some blonde chick that Dex was pretty sure didn’t even go to Samwell.

Fairly typical for a Welcome Back/Start of Fall Semester kegster.

Dex tore his eyes away and looked back to his phone, showing Chowder the e-mail. Chowder drunkenly leaned into Dex, resting his head on Dex’s shoulder to look at the phone.

“My stats prof just changed our exam from tomorrow to next Tuesday,” Dex explained.

“’Swawesome!”

“No, not ‘swawesome. The only reason I volunteered for Nursey Patrol is because I knew I couldn’t be hungover for my exam tomorrow. Now I don’t have the exam so the only reason I can’t get drunk with the rest of you is Nursey’s ridiculous ass.”

“Aw, Dex, I’m sorry. We could switch, I can watch him.”

“C, you’re already shwasted.”

“Nooo, I’ve only had like…three PBRs. And tub juice. I feel great.”

“I bet you do.” Dex sighed, putting his phone back in his pocket and resigning himself to an evening of annoyance and misery. “It’s cool, man, you can do it next time.”

“Okay, if you’re—”

“Chris!” Farmer emerged from the crowd and took Chowder by the hand. “Stop being lame and come dance with me!”

Chowder waved goodbye to Dex as he was dragged onto the dance floor. Dex took another sip of his now lukewarm beer and tried not to be bitter about it. He found Nursey in the crowd again, still with the same girl. They were making out now, his hands in the back pockets of her jeans. Dex groaned, the back of his head hitting the wall as he rolled his eyes at the ceiling.

Dex felt a small hand on his arm and he glanced down to see a girl, a really cute girl, motioning for him to lean down so she could talk to him.

“Hey,” she said, directly into his ear. Dex still had to strain to hear her above the noise. “Aren’t you on the hockey team?”

“Yeah,” Dex said, nodding his head in case she couldn’t hear him either.

“Okay, cool. I thought you were, but it’s hard to recognize you guys sometimes without all the, ya know,” she mimed a helmet and shoulder pads and laughed. Dex laughed with her. This girl was _cute_. All bronze skin, dark eyes and long hair. Dex wasn’t into hookups, but he never minded the company of attractive women, or the ego boost of getting attention, or maybe a phone number. Maybe this party wouldn’t totally suck after all. “Anyway, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Me?”

“Yeah! Are you friends with—”

She mouthed the name but was completely drowned out by the sound of a siren blast from whatever hellish song was playing.

“What?” Dex shouted.

“Are you friends with Eric? The blonde one over there?”

Dex turned to see where she was pointing, where Bitty was now dancing by himself. Out of habit, Dex’s eyes darted to where he had last seen Nursey, but he was gone. Dex blanched. He had one goddamn job.

“He’s in American History 121 with me,” the cute girl went on. “We talk sometimes and he’s super nice, but I just didn’t really know what his deal was, so I was wondering if you could ask him for me and—”

“I’m sorry, I need to, um,” Dex tried not to panic, rising on his toes to try and look over the heads of the crowd for Nursey, but there were so many people. “I have to go.”

“Oh,” she frowned. “Well, if you ever get the chance to ask him—”

“Eric’s not interested.”

“He’s already seeing somebody?”

“You’re not his type,” Dex said, before sidling his way around her. “Excuse me.”

Dex managed to push his way out of the living room and into the hall, already able to breathe a little easier as the crowd became more scattered. Nursey couldn’t have gone far. He had probably just gone to find somewhere private with the blonde girl, but Dex had to be sure. They didn’t need another rooftop incident or a trip to the hospital. Dex wandered through the hallways and the kitchen, finally deciding to dump the remainder of his beer in the sink as he passed through. He banged on the downstairs bathroom door only for two voices (neither of them Nursey’s) to shout back “occupied!” But Nursey was nowhere to be found.

Dex headed upstairs, ducking under the caution tape the team had put up to keep people out of their rooms, and was about to shout for Nursey at the top of his lungs when a door swung open. He turned around as Nursey stepped out of the hall bathroom, wiping his wet hands on his jeans.

“Yo, Dex,” Nursey said. “Wassup?”

“What’s up?” Dex repeated, desperately trying to keep his voice from rising. “Where the hell did you go?”

Nursey frowned, pointing behind him with his thumb. “Had to pee.”

“What happened to the girl?”

“Girl?”

“The one you were dancing with downstairs?”

“Oh.” Nursey shrugged. “She left with her friends.”

“Okay, just, I’m supposed to be watching you, so no more disappearing.”

“For the record, I still reject the concept of Nursey Patrol on principle. It’s, like, hella demeaning. But no worries, ‘cause I don’t really feel like heading back down there.”

“You ready to go to your dorm?”

“Nah, let’s just chill up here ‘til I’m sober. Or at least soberish. Am I allowed in the Reading Room with your supervision?”

“Sure, Nurse.” Dex rolled his eyes, but he followed Nursey to the end of the hallway, where the window to the roof was already open.

As they stepped out onto the landing they were met by the faint, skunky scent of weed, but whoever had been smoking it was long gone. All that was left were the lawn chairs that Ransom and Holster had left out and the muffled sounds of the party below.

They both sat in the chairs in silence for a bit. It was nice outside, a cool autumn breeze quickly clearing Dex’s nostrils from the stink of sweaty bodies and sour booze downstairs. Nursey had pulled a small notebook out of the back pocket of his jeans, squinting in the dark, tongue between his teeth, as he jotted a couple words down with a small pencil, then returned both to his pocket.

“What was that?” Dex asked.

“Thought of a good line.”

“You really keep paper in your pocket at all times just to write poetry?”

“I gotta write my ideas down as soon as I get ‘em,” Nursey explained. “Otherwise they’re gone forever.”

“Huh.” Dex didn’t know anything about poetry, reading or writing it, and he wondered whether this habit was a poet thing or a Nursey thing. “What about your phone? You could just make a note.”

“Yeah, but then where’s my aesthetic?”

Okay, so it was just a Nursey thing. 

“Are you ever gonna let us read one?”

Nursey hummed noncommittally. “Maybe.”

They were quiet again for a little longer, Nursey occasionally reopening his notebook. Dex checked his phone, but there were no notifications other than a text from Chowder saying he was walking Farmer back to her dorm. From their position on the roof they could see a steady, slow trickle of people leaving the Haus, until it slowed to almost none.

Dex could still feel the bass vibrating through the beams of the Haus, so they were probably still catering to a few stragglers, but it seemed like the kegster was over.

As if to prove Dex’s hypothesis, Bitty popped his head out of the window and announced his presence with a loud yawn.

“You boys alright out here? I don’t need anybody falling asleep and rolling off the roof.”

“Don’t worry, Bitty. Dex will save me since apparently I can’t be trusted with my own autonomy,” Nursey drawled.

Good grief.

“We’re fine,” Dex said, turning around to look at Bitty, who was sleepily rubbing at his eyes and getting glitter all over himself. Dex smiled. “You might wanna wash your face before that crap gets all over your pillowcase and never comes off.”

Bitty looked down at the sparkles all over his hands and frowned. “Ah, hell. Glitter eyeshadow sounded fun when it was Lardo’s idea. I think she cursed me.”

“I let her put eyeliner on me once. I looked super hot right up until I smeared it everywhere and people kept asking if I’d been punched in the face,” Nursey said.

“Now I know not to accept makeup advice from Lardo, I guess,” Dex said.

“Ugh.” Bitty desperately rubbed his palms against his shorts, but the glitter wouldn’t budge. “Well anyway, I’m hittin’ the hay, glitter be damned. Please promise me you will go to sleep somewhere resembling a bed.”

“We’ll head home soon, Bitty, promise.”

“Alright.” Bitty yawned again. “Night, boys.”

“Night!”

“I think Bitty mothers me more than my actual mother,” Dex said after he was sure he heard Bitty’s bedroom door closing.

“Chyeah,” Nursey laughed. “I used to think he was like A Lot, you know? Like so extra all the time. But now I think it’s nice.”

“It is nice. You wanna hear something funny, though?”

“Obvs.”

“When I was downstairs, right before I came looking for you, some girl was trying to use me to get to Bitty.”

Nursey grinned, the smile lighting up his eyes. “Omg, what?”

“She was so cute too, dude, I thought she was trying to hit me up. Then she’s all, ‘can you talk to Eric for me’ and I was like, oh no, this poor girl.”

“What’d you tell her?”

“I said ‘you’re not his type’ and then I just fucking left to go find your dumb ass.”

Nursey was in a full-on belly laugh, clutching his stomach and wiping a tear away from his eye.

“It’s really not her fault,” Nursey said. “I can see how girls would dig his very non-threatening version of masculinity and southern charm.”

“Bitty would have mad game if he were straight.”

“Probably lucky for us then, since Bitty is still managing to steal girls from you anyway.”

“He didn’t steal her away from me, I never even had her in the first place.”

“That’s kinda worse, bro.”

“No! It’s…yeah, it kinda is.”

Nursey chuckled then stretched in his lawn chair, pulling his neck from side to side. Even in the dim light from the hall window Dex could see the beginning of a hickey on his neck. For some reason this gave Dex an unexpected heat in his gut and he was mad about that girl all over again. And with a hint of some other emotion buried deep in his intestines. Jealousy, maybe? That Nursey got attention and he didn’t?

“Speaking of girls,” Dex blurted out before he could stop himself. “You gonna give me deets or what?”

“That girl I danced with?” Nursey scoffed. “There are no deets, man, I can’t even remember her name. It was something like real White Girl TM. Like Ashleigh or Ashlynn. I don’t even think she goes here.”

“That’s what I thought,” Dex mumbled.

“I was gonna say,” Nursey said, fixing him with a thoughtful stare, “why would you wanna hear deets when you basically watched the whole thing?”

“I was not _watching_ you, that sounds creepy.”

“Every time I looked up I could see your eyes on me. Thought you might be into some voyeur shit or something.”

“Oh my god, Nurse,” Dex groaned. “I am not a perv, it was my damn job to keep an eye on you.”

“No shame, man. Either way, I was kinda into it.”

Dex froze. He cleared his throat.

“You were what?”

“Don’t kinkshame me, Poindexter. But yeah, I’ve been rockin’ a semi for like a whole hour.”

Dex wanted to ask what got Nursey going more: the girl, or the fact that Dex was watching. But the thought of asking, and the thought of what it might mean that he desperately wanted to know, was too much to cope with.

Instead, Dex reverted to his usual sneer.

“Is that why we came out here? So I could help you kill your boner?”

“Well, not exactly. I was thinking I’d just take care of it when I got back to my room, but now I have a better idea.”

“Oh no.”

“No, I think you’ll like it.” Dex dared to look over at Nursey, and he was giving Dex a positively wicked grin. “Poor Dex, watching everybody else have fun, but not getting any of his own.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You can say no if you’re not down with this,” Nursey said, some of the teasing gone from his voice. “But what if we jerked off? Like at the same time?”

Dex could barely comprehend what he was hearing. 

“What? Right now, while we’re outside?”

“Yeah, no one’ll see. Then by the time we get back to our dorms we’ll be ready to pass out and sleep.”

“But…why?”

“’Cause it’s hot.” Nursey shrugged. “So, you wanna?”

Dex did want to. Despite all reason telling him not to, the idea alone had already sent the blood rushing straight to his crotch. Still, he couldn’t think of any plausible deniability as to why he could say yes. Thankfully, Nursey was one step ahead.

“I’ll race you,” Nursey said. “Whoever comes first wins, and loser has to pay for Annie’s tomorrow morning.”

“Fuck it,” Dex said. “You’re on.”

All talking ceased as they both scrambled for the zippers on their pants. Dex bit down on his bottom lip to keep from making noise when he wrapped his hand around himself, but Nursey seemed to have no such qualms and was audibly moaning. Dex was at full hardness embarrassingly quick.

Dex was starting slowly at first, like he usually did, but he could hear Nursey next to him. Nursey was panting and there was the rapid, unmistakable sound of skin on and skin, and Dex was compelled to match his rhythm. It took all he had in him not to look at Nursey, not even a quick side glance. Nursey hadn’t explicitly said he couldn’t look, but he figured it was a sort of unspoken rule. Dex assumed this was par for the course prep school behavior and it wasn’t his fault for not being totally aware of the etiquette. Maybe he could ask Nursey for next time.

God, why was he already thinking about a next time?

Nursey let out a low, guttural grunt and Dex had to squeeze his eyes shut to resist even accidentally looking. With his eyes shut tight he tried to focus on the feeling, his hand rough and fast sliding over his dick, still mostly trapped underneath his boxers. But when his eyes were closed it was like the sounds were amplified, like the whole world dropped around him and the only thing left was the blood rushing in his ears and the very acute awareness of Nursey’s body not two feet away from his.

He could almost imagine it was Nursey’s hand, and not his. He could almost imagine Nursey was above him, not next to him. He could almost—

“Ah, ah shit,” Nursey groaned.

Dex still did not open his eyes.

“I win, Poindexter.”

“Fuck,” Dex grunted, finally coming, and trying to catch it all in his hand as he belatedly realized he was going to make a giant mess in a semi-public place.

“I’ll take a large, triple-shot mocha breve.”

“Fuck,” Dex said again, trying to yank up his pants with one hand and avoid getting come all over himself. “Be right back.”

Dex walked as quickly as he could to the bathroom in the hallway, which was blessedly vacant, and shut the door behind him with his foot. He washed off his hands and cleaned off a couple of spots he had missed with a paper towel. He looked at himself in the mirror.

He was flushed from face to neck and the hair on the back of his head was all mussed from leaning against the chair. He looked like he had just been fucked. This realization was immediately followed by the thought that this was probably the most intense sexual experience of his life, and Nursey hadn’t even touched him.

“Fuck,” Dex said for the third time, attempting to flatten down his hair with his hand before flipping off the light and leaving the bathroom.

“Nurse,” Dex called out the window, “you ready to head home?”

“Yep,” Nursey said, shaking off his hands then standing up to zip his jeans. Nursey turned around and met his gaze with a shit-eating grin. Dex scowled at his shoes.

Looking away turned out to be a mistake because he wasn’t prepared for when Nursey tripped over the windowsill, warning Dex with only a “Whoops!” before he broke his fall on Dex and crashed into the hallway.

“Jesus, Nurse, wake the whole Haus why don’t you,” Dex hissed. He was only met with silence and a horrified look from Nursey as he slowly removed his hands from Dex’s shoulders. “What?”

“Um. Sorry.”

“Sorry for—” Dex cut himself off, mouth opening in disgust when he grasped what Nursey had done. He touched the place where Nursey’s hands had just been and was met with a tacky residue. “Did you just wipe your jizz all over my fucking shirt?”

“Not on purpose!”

“Unbelievable!” Dex turned on his heel, storming away.

“Dex! Dex, c’mon.”

Nursey followed Dex out of the Haus and kept in step with him the whole walk back to his dorm, though Dex refused to speak with him. The sky was starting to lighten into the charcoal gray of pre-dawn. They passed one or two other people doing the walk of shame back to their own beds, but for the most part they were alone.

They stopped outside of Nursey’s dorm first, but Nursey hesitated outside the building.

“Think you can make it upstairs in one piece, or do I need to walk you to your room too?”

“I dunno, is that you subtly asking for round two?”

Dex stared.

“Kidding, Poindexter,” Nursey mumbled. “Shit, I’m tired. I’ve got my 10:30 tomorrow, so catch you at Annie’s beforehand, aight?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Sleep well.” Nursey smirked before sliding his ID into the card reader, unlocking the front door and disappearing inside.

Dex shoved his hands in his pockets and walked back to his dorm, a few blocks over. Nursey was living in one of the newest dorms on campus, but Dex’s was still old enough to need a regular lock and key. Nursey would probably call that a metaphor or some shit.

Dex crept into his room as quietly as he could; his roommate was fast asleep and probably had been for hours. He toed off his shoes and stepped out of his jeans. After he unbuttoned and pulled off his shirt, he tried to inspect it in the dark. Nursey’s come was now totally dry and stuck on. Dex wrinkled his nose. If it wasn’t so stupid late (or early, as it were) he’d probably try and scrub it out, but instead he tossed it into his laundry basket and prayed it would do just as well in the washing machine tomorrow.

Dex fell into bed and stared at the ceiling. He wanted to be mad. He wanted to stew in the guilt, the shame, whatever horrible feelings he had expected he would feel after something like what had happened earlier. He’d be lying to himself if he said he had never imagined it, though maybe not exactly how it had gone. But the worst thing he felt was confusion. Otherwise, he felt light. He felt relaxed. A little scandalized with himself, maybe, but no regret.

He fell asleep wondering if those feelings would last through tomorrow when he would have to see Nursey’s stupid face again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's just the beginning 👀 How do we think Dex is gonna feel about all this later? Lol. Tune in next Wednesday for Annie's snax, banter galore, and more nurseydex shenanigans!
> 
> If you're enjoying this fic, please like and share it on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/post/630281626078806016/work-in-progress-by-edgarallanrose-rating-e-word) or [twitter!](https://twitter.com/edgarallanrose1/status/1317464581179101184?s=21) Sharing posts and word of mouth are the best ways to support my work, I appreciate it so much!
> 
> Subscribe to me [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgarallanrose/profile) on Ao3, or follow me on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/), and on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Edgarallanrose1) to receive notifications on chapter updates! I will also start a tag list on tumblr, so if you would like to be added to that please let me know! Thanks!


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Nurse:** also i want a cinnamon roll w my coffee thxxx  
>  **Dex:** I don’t think food was part of the bargain  
>  **Nurse:** we never specified food or drink only annies :)  
>  **Dex:** God I hate u  
>  **Nurse:** :)))))

Dex woke up to his phone buzzing next to his head. 

He opened one bleary eye and looked at the screen; it was seven minutes before his alarm was supposed to go off. He checked his notifications to see who he had to murder for depriving him of those last precious minutes of sleep.

Naturally, it was Nursey, blowing up the group chat between the two of them and Chowder.

 **Nurse:** yooooooo

 **Nurse:** rise n shine bros

 **Nurse:** imma head to annies in 20

 **Nurse:** b there or b square

This series of texts was followed by a string of coffee cup emojis and the smiley wearing sunglasses emoji. Chowder had replied with two thumbs up emojis. Dex was about to reply when he got a private text from Nursey outside the chat.

 **Nurse:** also i want a cinnamon roll w my coffee thxxx

Dex narrowed his eyes.

 **Dex:** I don’t think food was part of the bargain

 **Nurse:** we never specified food or drink only annies :)

 **Dex:** God I hate u

 **Nurse:** :)))))

 **Dex:** Give me like 30 mins. just woke up

 **Nurse:** burnin daylight poindexter

 **Dex:** Ya well some asshole kept me out at this party til dawn

 **Nurse:** wow sounds like a dick. i hate guys who just wanna have a good time.

 **Dex:** Whatever. See u soon.

Dex struggled to roll out of bed and put his feet on the floor. His mind was still foggy, but he couldn’t remember the last time he slept that deeply and soundly. He made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and splash some water on his face then went back to his room to get dressed. His roommate had already left for the day.

As he pulled off his pajamas, he noticed his laundry hamper in the corner of his room, the sleeve of his plaid shirt from the night before hanging over the edge. His face burned when he looked at it, and he shoved his pajamas on top of the hamper, pushing the clothes down to bury the shirt far underneath where he couldn’t see it anymore.

When he finally got to Annie’s, Chowder was already there hovering by the door on his phone, but Nursey was nowhere to be seen.

“Classic Nurse,” Dex said, “asking us to meet him somewhere and then being the last one to show up.”

“He just sent a text, he’ll be here in a minute,” Chowder said in that smooth, practiced way he had learned to do over the past year, forever the neutral party member. “We should probably go ahead and get in line.”

Annie’s line was, per usual, nearly out the front door. They were barely halfway to the register when Nursey sauntered in, eyes looking puffy and tired underneath the beanie that pressed his curls down on his forehead.

“Sup,” Nursey said.

“Man, you look awful.”

“Good morning to you, too, Christopher.”

“No! Not awful, I just mean sleepy! You know you always look amazing, Nursey, like I couldn’t even do it if I tried—”

“Chill, C,” Nursey laughed. “You’re right, I’m just tired.”

“How late did you guys stay up?”

“Well, Dex was having fun, so maybe we stayed a little later than planned.”

Dex glared at Nursey while Chowder looked back and forth between them.

“Well. That’s good,” Chowder said. “I’m glad you had fun, Dex.”

“Yeah, _loads_ of fun,” Nursey said with a wink.

Dex quietly seethed, glancing around for objects nearby that could be used as a murder weapon but perhaps still make it look like an accident.

Chowder ordered first at the counter, followed by Nursey. When the girl at the counter gave him the total Dex stepped forward.

“Um, we’re together. Just add a small café latte, please.”

“Thanks, bro,” Nursey said, patting Dex on the shoulder.

“That was nice of you, Dex,” Chowder said as they moved to the end of the counter.

Dex winced. He hadn’t considered how paying for only one of his friends would look.

“Sorry, C, I just owed him one.”

“No, it’s okay! I like seeing you guys do nice things for each other.”

“I wish. Dex lost a bet.”

“Oh?”

“Nursey cheated,” Dex sneered, trying to communicate his more direct message of _what the actual fuck?_ to Nursey using only his eyes.

Nursey, incredulous and oblivious, gawked at him.

“How the hell could I possibly have cheated?”

“You got a head start!”

“No, no, we were doing so well!” Chowder fretted. “Go back to getting along.”

“Sorry,” they both mumbled under their breath, appropriately chastised.

Chowder’s coffee arrived first, then he had to make a hasty exit since he only had five minutes to get to his lab. This left Nursey and Dex standing awkwardly and silently together until their coffee and food arrived. Nursey tapped away at his phone and Dex grinded his teeth.

“Which class do you have this morning?” Dex asked, just to break the tension.

“Environmental Ethics,” Nursey sighed, not looking up from his phone. “It’s a philosophy class, and actually pretty interesting, but man. If you think Lax bros are bad, I raise you philosophy bros.”

“Really?”

“Totes insufferable.”

“Totes.” Dex huffed a laugh, and Nursey tried to hide a smile behind his phone, but Dex caught it just in time.

They got their coffees and a cinnamon roll in a to-go bag and left Annie’s together. Nursey handed Dex his own coffee cup, and Dex wordlessly accepted it, so Nursey could use both hands to pick at the cinnamon roll with his fingers. He was one of those people that felt the need to systematically unroll the cinnamon roll and break it off into bite-sized pieces.

“I can walk you to class,” Dex offered. “The comp-sci building is past the humanities building anyway.”

“Aw, Dexy, my very own escort. My kindly gentleman chauffer. My—”

“Or I can fuck off with your coffee.”

“Nah, it’s chill.”

When they stopped at a crosswalk, Dex pointed to the cinnamon roll, both hands still occupied with hot coffee, then inside his empty mouth. Nursey chuckled, tearing off a chunk and feeding it to Dex. It was good, gooey and still warm. Not quite as good as Bitty’s, but still good.

As they neared the humanities building, Dex tried to think of a tactful way to bring up what was bothering him.

“So, like, what were you playing at earlier, with Chowder around?” was what came out instead.

Nursey rolled his eyes skyward and let out an exaggerated sigh. 

Well. Dex had tried.

“What are you talking about, Poindexter?”

“You know damn well what I’m talking about. Hinting about what we did, right in front of him.”

“He didn’t know what I was talking about.”

“That’s not the point. You do that shit to rile me up.”

Nursey tossed the paper bag in the trash can and smirked at Dex as he retrieved his coffee cup from him, intentionally letting their fingers brush over each other. “Yeah. Maybe I do.”

“Listen, I just can’t have people knowing if we’re doing this kind of—”

“Doing?” Nursey’s eyebrows shot up. “As in present tense? As in you wanna do more?”

“That’s not—” Dex shook his head, rubbing his eyes. “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Dex scowled at him and Nursey held up his hands in a placating gesture.

“Don’t worry. If we are doing this, I would never intentionally wound your fragile masculinity and I promise to be more respectful of your hetero hang-ups in public spaces.” Nursey chugged his entire coffee, crushed the paper cup in his hand like a beer can, and tossed it overhand into the trash bin. “See you at practice, Poindexter.”

“Wait, what?” Dex called after him. “What are we doing?”

Nursey only turned to wink in response as he walked away.

\---

Evening practices were few and far between, but SMH weren’t the only ones who used Faber, and sometimes that was the way the schedule shook out. As much as Dex didn’t love getting up at dawn for morning practice, his body was used to it at this point. It was preferable to start the day with exercise than get the energy up for suicide sprints after a full day of classes.

Dex sat in his changing stall while he removed his gear. His thighs were shaking from exhaustion. Hall and Murray had been especially tough on Nursey and him lately, getting serious about establishing a consistent game from them. Their problem had always been their only occasional stellar chemistry on the ice, and the rest of the time it was like trying to put two of the same magnetic poles together. They skated well today. Not their best, but better than usual.

Dex was considering skipping the showers, then he pulled his Under Armour over his head and got a whiff of himself.

 _Yup._ Dex reached behind for his towel. _Gotta shower._

Most of the guys had already finished or were nearly done showering by the time Dex hobbled in. Dex grabbed the spigot next to Chowder, and a few seconds later Nursey joined them and stood on the other side of Chowder.

“You guys looked good out there today,” Chowder said over the roar of the water.

“Thanks, C,” Nursey said. “Did you see Dex’s sick pass to me?”

“Fuckin’ 'swawesome,” Chowder agreed.

“Well, shucks,” Dex said, feigning embarrassment. “Thanks. You guys wanna grab burgers or something?”

“I’ve actually got plans with Cait,” Chowder said, turning off the water and wrapping a towel around his waist. “But you guys can still go out.”

“Alright, later, C.”

After Chowder left it was only Nursey and Dex. The hot water felt amazing running over his sore shoulders and Dex wasn’t in a hurry to leave. He closed his eyes and let the water pressure do its thing.

“You falling asleep?” Nursey leaned across to poke Dex in the shoulder.

“A little.”

“Too tired for our rematch?”

Dex’s eyes snapped open.

“Here? Now?”

“The place is empty.” Nursey shrugged. “As long as we finish before the janitor gets here.”

“What is up with you and the public sex stuff?”

“Nothing is up.” Nursey crossed his arms. “This is just as private as a dorm would be. But this just keeps things casual.”

Dex narrowed his eyes. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Dex couldn’t spend a lot of time thinking because his body was starting to react to the idea quicker than his mind was. Nursey smirked when Dex tried to surreptitiously angle the lower half of his body away from him.

“Fine,” Dex acquiesced. “But I’m not letting you cheat again.”

“Again, I ask, how could I possibly play fairer than I already have?”

“We jerk each other off,” Dex said. He forced himself to maintain eye contact as Nursey’s jaw literally dropped. “More even playing field that way, and we can see who’s best.”

“So, the first one to get the other to come wins?” Nursey grinned. “I like how you think, Poindexter.”

Nursey started to turn his shower off, but Dex reached out to stop him.

“Leave it,” Dex said. “The sound might drown out any noise.”

“Yeah?” Nursey licked his lips. “You gonna get loud for me?”

“You wish, loser.”

They stepped nearer to each other in the space where Chowder had previously been showering, the spray still hitting Dex’s back and feet. There was a moment of awkwardness while they were both reluctant to start.

“Um, how do you want to do this?” Dex asked.

Nursey frowned, thinking, then placed his left hand on Dex’s right shoulder.

“Brace yourself on me,” Nursey said. “The floor is slippery. Then we both start on three. Alright?”

“Alright,” Dex said, placing his own hand on Nursey’s shoulder.

“Be gentle with me.”

“Oh my god. Nurse.”

“Ready? One, two, three!”

Dex reached for Nursey and then immediately closed his eyes. Nursey’s cock twitched in his hand and for the first time Dex felt panic.

 _Shit, shit, shit,_ he thought. _I have no idea what I’m doing, why am I doing this, I’m going to look like a fucking idiot._

After a couple seconds of Dex just holding Nursey in his hand while Nursey slowly rubbed him to hardness (Nursey’s fingers were a little pruned, but otherwise Dex had to admit it felt pretty good) Nursey suddenly stopped.

“You alright, Poindexter? We don’t have to do this. I won’t give you a hard time.”

Dex opened his eyes to find Nursey’s earnest expression very close to his face. Dex could also see Nursey’s pupils dilated so wide his hazel eyes were nearly all dark. His breathing was a little labored and he was still getting harder, though Dex hadn’t actually done anything yet. Dex’s confidence was slightly restored.

“No, I’m okay. Sorry.”

Nursey looked like he was about to ask another question, but Dex firmed his grip and started to move and Nursey’s breath caught in his throat. Dex made himself look, really look, at what he was doing.

Obviously, he and Nurse saw each other naked all the time, though mostly in the form of aborted glances and peripheral vision. When the context of nudity was post-sports in a room surrounded by twenty other sweaty, smelly guys, it had never had any significant effect on Dex. But now…

Dex watched his pale, freckled hand glide over Nursey’s smooth, brown skin. Nursey had a nice dick. Similar in size to Dex’s, though maybe a little thicker. Dex had never considered the aesthetic appearances of dicks, but if he had to ascribe an adjective to Nursey’s junk, it would be ‘nice.’

Dex figured he could try and do things that he liked on himself, though it was a bit strange to attempt from the opposite angle than he was used to. He pulled back Nursey’s foreskin to circle the head and then thumb at the slit. When he rubbed the spot right under the head Nursey dug his fingernails into Dex’s shoulder and tightened his own grip on Dex.

Dex’s eyes fluttered closed again on instinct and his rhythm faltered. Nursey also chose this moment to pick up speed, and Dex kept pace with him.

Nursey was fully hard and hot in his hand now. He could feel his own dick leak all over Nursey’s fingers and Dex let out an embarrassing guttural sound.

Nursey’s breathiness had started to turn into something closer to a whine. He licked his lips and for an insane moment Dex thought Nursey was going to kiss him, but then he bit down on his bottom lip, cutting off the noise.

The tip of Nursey’s dick was soaking wet, and Dex knew he had to be close. Inspired, he let go of Nursey and placed his hand into the running water. Nursey met his gaze with a quizzical frown, then Dex used his warm, slick hand to stroke fast.

Nursey pitched nearly fully forward, his forehead hitting Dex’s, as he came seconds later all over Dex’s hand and arm.

They breathed heavily, mouths inches apart, the steam from the shower room hanging heavy between them. Nursey now had both hands on Dex’s shoulders, his head hanging forward and occasionally brushing against Dex’s temple. Dex still had the one hand on Nursey’s shoulder, the other held out awkwardly to the side. His abandoned dick ached between his legs. He turned his arm palm up, then palm down, looking at the pattern of come splattered over his skin before reaching behind himself to rinse it off. 

This seemed to break Nursey from whatever post-orgasm reverie he was experiencing. He looked up at Dex with heavy lidded eyes and once more Dex was hit with the intense feeling that Nursey was going to kiss him.

Dex audibly swallowed before speaking.

“I win.”

“Yeah,” Nursey panted. “You do.”

“Are you gonna—” Dex glanced down meaningfully. “Y’know.”

Nursey followed his gaze, then met Dex’s eyes. A change came over his expression as he leaned away, finally releasing Dex from the death grip he’d had on his shoulders. He seemed almost bored.

“I don’t know.” Nursey leaned against the shower wall, crossing his arms. “Was that part of the deal?”

Dex saw red. He knew this had all been a joke and this was the punchline. Get Dex worked up and frustrated, then leave him to suffer. Laugh about it with friends later. Poor, pathetic, confused Poindexter.

“If you think,” Dex spat, “that I am gonna just walk out of here with a raging hard on that _you_ started–” 

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what the fuck do want from me, Nurse? Am I supposed to just take care of it myself?”

“Yeah.” Nursey bit his lip again and Dex was really going to have to do something about the visceral response he was developing whenever Nursey did that. Still, it wasn’t enough to change his mood.

“Are you kidding me right now?”

“You won, so you’re better than me, right? That’s what we said this would prove?” Nursey drawled, pushing his wet hair away from his forehead. “Show me how it’s done. Then I can get you next time.”

_Next time._

Nursey would need to start shutting the fuck up about next times or Dex would start believing this weird thing between them didn’t have an expiration date.

“Come on,” Nursey said. His voice broke, only a little, betraying some kind of emotion behind his apathetic gaze. “Show me.”

Dex weighed his options, glaring at the tile floor. It came down to what he wanted, right there, in that moment. He closed his eyes and took himself in hand, pursing his lips and biting his tongue to stop the whine that wanted to escape his throat.

Dex had never been this hard before. Or at least, it felt that way. It was just on the left side of painful. His toes curled against the cold floor as he braced himself on the wall beside him. He hunched over, shoulders stooping and abs spasming as he moved his fist fast over himself. He slowed down for a moment, just a moment, tightening his grip and twisting at the end, and his mouth fell open into a silent gasp.

“Shit,” Nursey said under his breath.

Dex didn’t know what Nursey looked like when he said it; his eyes were screwed shut. But he could imagine it was a look of desire. Of lust. That maybe Nursey could want him like this, even if he wouldn’t touch him.

Next time, he had said. _Next time._

Dex came with a shout, belatedly biting his knuckle to quiet himself. He rubbed himself through it, chest heaving as he came harder than he had in his whole young life.

Finally, Dex let his eyes blink open. He wiped the water out of his eyes as he caught his breath. He met Nursey’s gaze, who was still leaning against the wall, arms crossed, nails digging into his own biceps.

“Chill,” he said, moving away from the wall. He turned off his shower and walked out of the room without a single glance behind him.

Dex stood there, like an idiot, watching him leave. Numbly, he stepped back into the water to rinse himself off. He knew the temperature of the water hadn’t actually run cold, but he felt like there was ice under his skin, in the pit of his stomach.

Dex gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. One of them connected with the shower wall, which didn’t make him feel better and now his knuckles were bleeding.

Dex wasn’t sure how long he stood there before he turned the water off.

_Stupid. Stupid. So fucking stupid._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dex :((( This is where that angst tag starts coming in to play. This Saturday I will post chapter 3 which includes: some Hard Truths, Using Your Words, and...a zimbits appearance?? 😱
> 
> Edit: There is now an aesthetic post specifically for ch. 2 of this fic [on tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/post/632619249533403136/next-time-he-had-said-next-time-from-chapter-2) if you'd like to check it out! 
> 
> If you're enjoying this fic, please like and share it on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/post/630281626078806016/work-in-progress-by-edgarallanrose-rating-e-word) or [twitter!](https://twitter.com/edgarallanrose1/status/1317464581179101184?s=21) Sharing posts and word of mouth are the best ways to support my work, I appreciate it so much!
> 
> Subscribe to me [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgarallanrose/profile) on Ao3, or follow me on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/), and on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Edgarallanrose1) to receive notifications on chapter updates!


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where the hell is the tub juice?” Nursey asked.  
> “Ransom said it was a hazard and he needed to keep it in the direct line of his eyesight.” Whiskey shrugged.  
> “OUTTA THE WAY,” Shitty shouted from somewhere inside. “SAMWELL HOCKEY ALUM HERE AND I NEED TO DO A FUCKING KEGSTER.”  
> “I got Shitty’s legs!” Ollie (or Wicks?) said.  
> “Um, we can probably just follow the dulcet tones of Shitty’s voice,” Dex said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional Warning for this chapter: Nursey and Dex have been drinking prior to some sexual activities, but neither are fully drunk and explicit consent is taken seriously. Just wanted to give a heads up just in case this is a squick for some!

Dex avoided speaking to Nursey for about three weeks.

Well, they had to speak a little bit. But conversations were strictly confined to either the group chat or practice. When he could, he avoided being alone with only Chowder and Nursey since he was sure Chowder would pick up on the awkwardness. Chowder likely wouldn’t say anything, he didn’t like to pick sides, but Dex didn’t want to stress him out. And he definitely didn’t want Chowder to get Ransom and Holster involved as their captains. Or tattle to Bitty.

Though Bitty may have known something was up anyway, because he snuck Dex an extra muffin after a practice or two. But sometimes Bitty just did stuff like that. It was hard to tell.

To Dex’s own credit, he managed to keep the tension off the ice. He was more aware of Nursey than ever. He could anticipate his moves, they functioned as one unit. He gave Ransom and Holster absolutely no excuse to keep them back for extra practices together.

There were a couple times when Nursey hung around after practice for him, and even one time when Nursey was sitting outside the Comp-Sci building as Dex left class. He always kept walking as if he wasn’t there, keeping his eyes focused on the ground in front of him or his phone.

Every time Dex thought about Nursey he got stomach cramps. Whenever he saw him his chest twinged with anger. Guilt. He poured himself into his homework. Into hockey practice. He literally couldn’t afford to let his personal feelings affect his standing at Samwell. And, when he stayed up later than he should, staring at his laptop and working on code until his head throbbed, he could have a legitimate excuse when Chowder asked about the dark circles under his eyes.

It was just a stupid thing he did. He would probably laugh about it years from now, his crazy days at sexually-fluid Samwell. He was only nineteen. It was practically his job to do stupid shit and make mistakes.

So why was this upsetting him so much?

Nursey was waiting for Dex outside of Faber the afternoon of one of their first home games of the season. Dex was arriving for their warm-up skate, but Nursey blocked the door before Dex could push past him.

“Nurse, what the hell?”

“Will you stop making me chase you and just talk to me for two minutes?” Nurse said, his voice hard and the most unchill Dex had ever heard. That alone made Dex pause. “Just two minutes. Please.”

“Fine.” Dex nodded his head for Nursey to follow him around the corner of the building and out of the doorway, to avoid the other guys who were arriving at the rink.

“I don’t want to fight with you.”

“Strange, since you’re the one who’s always starting shit with me.” 

“How am I starting something when you won’t even talk to me?” Nursey breathed audibly through his nose. “You know what? Don’t answer that. I said I don’t wanna fight. You’re my partner, Dex, and I know we’ve had our issues, but I really thought we were doing better.”

“We were.”

“So, what happened?”

Dex raised his eyebrows in disbelief, crossing his arms and scoffing. Unbelievable.

“What?”

“You don’t even know why I’m mad at you?” Dex asked.

“No, because you won’t talk to me!”

“You left me in the shower,” Dex hissed, though there was no one around to hear him, “without a word, after what I did.” _What I did for you_ , Dex almost said. But that suddenly felt like too loaded a statement. “I felt like an idiot.”

“Oh.” Nursey cast his eyes to the side. “I’m sorry, Poindexter. Honest. I was–I just thought it’d be less weird that way. I wanted to give you space.”

“I thought it was a joke.” Dex started to bite at the cuticle of his nail, before tucking his hand back into his crossed arms. A bad habit. “That you wanted to see how far you could push me, or something.”

“Dex, oh my god, no. _Dex._ ” Nursey’s eyes were wide, all hazel-gray and serious. He reached out and touched Dex’s arm. Dex resisted the impulse to flinch. “Why would I do something like that to you? I’m your friend. Don’t you trust me?”

Dex shrugged, looking down at his sneakers.

“Oh my god,” Nursey said again. “You don’t, do you?”

“No, I just overreact. We know this about me. I’ll get over it.” Dex checked his watch and sighed. “We need to get inside.”

“Okay. I am sorry, Poindexter.”

“I’m sorry, too, Nurse. I shouldn’t have done the whole cold shoulder act.”

“Well, you can bring that cold shoulder to the game, huh?” His grin was back as if nothing serious had passed between them. Just like every other time they made up after a fight. “Check some of those Yale assholes into next week.”

“God, you’re such a nerd.”

“Can we talk more after the game?” Nursey asked as he opened the door for Dex. “We can go to the kegster together. I wanna make it up to you.”

“Really, Nurse, it’s water under the bridge.”

“It’ll be fun,” Nursey said, dragging out the vowels in a sing-song voice. Then he gave him one of those smiles where he shows all his perfectly straight, white teeth, and how was Dex supposed to say no to that?

\---

They had lost the game, but the team was still in high spirits because Jack and Shitty had come to watch them play. The kegster was in full swing by the time Nursey and Dex got to the Haus, still carrying their backpacks from earlier that day.

“You can drop your stuff in my room,” Chowder said, handing the key to Dex. “Just make sure you lock the door when you leave. People do all kinds of unholy things behind closed doors at kegsters.”

“Yeah, no problem, C,” Nursey said.

“And just hold on to the key,” he said. “I’m probably gonna go home with Cait, so I don’t want you to have to leave at the same time I do just to get your stuff.”

“You sure?” Dex asked.

“Yeah, you can just give it to Bitty before you go, or something. Or get it to me tomorrow.”

Nursey and Dex went upstairs, ducking under the caution tape that roped off the bedrooms, and dumped their bags on Chowder’s bed.

“So, you wanted to talk?” Dex said.

“Tub juice first,” Nursey said, turning his snapback backwards and winking at Dex.

Dex rolled his eyes but followed Nursey back downstairs.

They passed Jack and Bitty talking at the foot of the stairs, giving them a little wave before wandering out to the front porch where Shitty had always put the cooler of tub juice. The tadpoles were outside on bouncer duty, looking bored.

“Where the hell is the tub juice?” Nursey asked.

“Ransom said it was a hazard and he needed to keep it in the direct line of his eyesight.” Whiskey shrugged.

“OUTTA THE WAY,” Shitty shouted from somewhere inside. “SAMWELL HOCKEY ALUM HERE AND I NEED TO DO A FUCKING KEGSTER.”

“I got Shitty’s legs!” Ollie (or Wicks?) said.

“Um, we can probably just follow the dulcet tones of Shitty’s voice,” Dex said.

“Good call.”

They did eventually find their way to the tub juice, tucked in a back corner of the kitchen. Lardo quickly roped them into a game of pong against her and Shitty. They were hardcore losing – there was no other possible outcome with Lardo involved – and succeeding only in Dex getting tipsy much faster than he had anticipated.

It was the final round and Dex was trying to focus, ping pong ball in one hand and his still half-full Solo cup of tub juice in the other. Nursey was leaning in close, breath on his ear and his shoulder pressed flush against Dex’s back. Nursey slipped his hand around Dex’s waist and pinched his side right as he took aim and totally botched the shot. Lardo and Shitty whooped, landing their ball in Dex and Nursey’s last cup.

“Thanks a lot, Nurse,” Dex said as he fished the ball out of the beer, no real heat in his words. He tipped the cup back and finished it off.

“No one to blame but yourself,” Nursey said, surreptitiously removing his hand from Dex’s side, though not before giving him another light pinch.

“Still got it,” Shitty said. “Harvard dweebs don’t know jack about pong.”

“And Harvard doesn’t have me,” Lardo said, nudging him in the ribs.

Chowder, who had been watching from the sidelines with Tango, jumped up to hand Shitty and Lardo full cups of tub juice.

“The winners!” he said, with a little bow in their directions.

“What is law school like, Mr. Shitty?” Tango asked.

“It’s a cold, dark place full of coke addicts and legacies and legacies who are coke addicts,” Lardo said as Shitty drained half his drink in two gulps.

“She’s not wrong,” Shitty said with a belch. “So. Law School. Gentlemen, here was my yesterday.”

“I’m gonna get a refill,” Nursey said to Dex as Shitty launched into a full-scale story/rant.

Dex was half listening to Shitty as he watched Nursey disappear into the crowd. Even though the Haus was oppressively hot from the amount of bodies they had sardined into it, he hadn’t minded Nursey’s constant presence throughout the night. Even if he had distracted Dex from winning pong. But with the crowd and noise, they hadn’t had any opportunity to talk, or even discuss exactly what it was Nursey wanted to talk about.

Shitty’s story was abruptly cut off by Jack coming down the stairs, Bitty trailing after him. Jack now had two hats for some reason, one on his head and one in his hand.

“All right, everyone,” Jack said. “You guys played great. It was fun, but I should head out.”

“I think I’m gonna go, too,” Chowder said to Dex. “Cait’s waiting for me out front. You still have my key?”

“Yeah, no worries,” Dex said. “Have fun.”

Nursey was wading back through the crowd, hugging Chowder as they crossed each other’s path.

“Let’s head upstairs,” Nursey said, nodding his chin towards the direction of the staircase. Shitty was now crying with his arms around Lardo and Jack, and Dex wondered what he had missed.

They both sidled past the cry fest, and then had to squeeze past Bitty where he was still hovering on the stairs. When they reached the landing Dex started absentmindedly heading towards Chowder’s room.

“So, what was it that you—” Dex started, but as soon as he turned the corner Nursey took his arm, spinning him around to face him as he crowded Dex against the wall.

“Do you want me?” Nursey asked, his face close. Too close. Their noses practically touched. Dex shrugged a bit down the wall, just to put some distance between them.

“I’m not gay,” Dex managed to squeak out.

Nursey rolled his eyes.

“Not what I asked, Poindexter. Did you like what we were doing? Messing around just for fun, easing tension?”

Dex nodded. He couldn’t make himself give a verbal yes. That seemed to be enough for Nursey, who replied with a half-smile. He framed his arms on either side of Dex’s head, leaning against the wall. In the tank top he was wearing, his arms were bare and muscular, his tattoo visible. Dex gulped, clutching his drink tighter to his chest.

“Okay,” Nursey said. “Cool. Coolcoolcool. So like. I want to avoid all this miscommunication shit so we can be adults about this, right? Talk about what we want? Set some ground rules? Would you be down with that?”

“Yeah, sure,” Dex said, his head spinning, not totally wrapping around what Nursey was offering him. They could keep doing stuff with each other? And avoid feelings completely? It seemed too good to be true.

“I don’t want things to get weird again. We’re partners, man. And, you know, we’re friends?”

Nursey seemed to want confirmation, so Dex nodded.

“Right. We’re friends.”

“So, we keep it casual?” Nursey said. “Not exclusive? Obvs, for sexual health reasons, we should be honest if we have multiple partners.”

“I don’t,” Dex said, maybe a little too quickly.

“Well, if you ever do,” Nursey said, a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. “I’m not with anybody else right now, either. Not, um, to get too personal, and don’t take offense, but have you ever been with like anybody else, Poindexter?”

“Of course I have.” Dex scowled.

“I said don’t be offended! I just need to know if we should get tested or not.”

Tested? Exactly how far was Nursey wanting to take this? The back of Dex’s neck and ears burned.

“Um, I had a serious girlfriend in high school,” Dex said. “We broke up when we went to college, she didn’t want to do long distance. I haven’t been with anybody since. At least not, you know, like that. And I get tested every year with our physical, I’m good.”

“Okay. Chill. I haven’t been with anybody since we got tested this year either.”

Not as much background as Dex had provided, but Dex didn’t want to press further. He trusted Nursey to be honest about this.

“Well,” Nursey continued, a glint in his eye, “nobody besides you, that is.”

“That hardly counts.”

“We can make it count.”

Dex’s mouth went dry.

“Have you done this before? With guys?”

“Chyeah. You? Even just a kiss?”

Dex shook his head.

“I’ve never kissed a guy, but…”

Nursey removed his hands from the wall and traced them down Dex’s arms, resting them on his triceps. He pressed his forehead against Dex’s, their noses occasionally brushing together.

“But what?”

“I might not mind,” Dex finished, staring hard at the ground. His cheeks were on fire. “I mean. If we’re already doing the other stuff. I’d be okay with it. If you wanted to.”

Nursey placed a finger under Dex’s chin, tilting his head up so it was resting against the back of the wall. Nursey leaned in, shifting his hand to cup Dex’s jaw. Dex’s eyes slowly closed as Nursey’s lips met his.

All in all, it was a fairly chaste kiss. Their lips slipped together, slightly parted, warm. Not that different from kissing a girl, Dex thought. Though the feeling of another man’s stubble was…weird. Not bad, just weird. When Nursey pulled away, Dex chased him with his mouth and tried to kiss him again. Nursey just laughed, pressing Dex’s shoulders back against the wall so they could look at each other, eye to eye. Dex averted his gaze.

“Ask me for another,” Nursey said, nosing across Dex’s cheek and against his ear, tickling his earlobe. Dex’s breath hitched. “Tell me if you want more. I wanna hear you say it.”

“I—” Dex started, but his voice caught in his throat. He grabbed at Nursey’s hip with his free hand, pulling him closer so their legs slotted together. Nursey dipped down to kiss the hinge of his jaw and the soft spot right beneath his ear. Dex turned his head towards the staircase, giving Nursey better access to his neck, clinging on to him for dear life as he instinctively brought their bodies closer.

Shit. The staircase.

Anybody could come up here and see them like this.

Dex pushed Nursey away, standing up straight again and distancing himself from Nursey’s body. Nursey frowned, confused, so Dex grabbed him by the wrist and tugged him towards Chowder’s door.

“C’mon,” Dex said, fitting the key into the lock, “we need to be somewhere more private. No more of this out-in-the-open crap.”

“Yeah,” Nursey nodded. “Okay. Rule number one, only in private. That’s chill.”

Dex set his drink down on Chowder’s desk as Nursey entered the room, then locked the door behind him. They stared at each other for a couple seconds before they were both closing the distance and pulling each other into a much fiercer kiss. Dex grabbed Nursey by the back of his neck while Nursey gripped his hips, kissing hot and open-mouthed. Nursey tasted like liquor and whatever artificial sweetener they mixed into the tub juice.

Nursey started to guide Dex backwards until Dex’s ass hit Chowder’s mattress. Nursey kept pressing him back, and Dex finally realized what Nursey was trying to do.

“What the fuck, Nurse, we can’t do stuff on Chowder’s bed!”

“Okay, then just say so. You don’t gotta be so shrill.”

“I am not shrill!” Dex cleared his throat and spoke more evenly. “I am not shrill. It’s just a dick move. I shouldn’t have to say anything.”

“You wanna just stand here and make out then?”

“We could go back to your room. You have a single.”

“Nah. We’re already here.”

“What was even your plan, Nurse?” Dex rubbed his temples, like that might somehow reactivate his brain. “You said you wanted to talk then all of a sudden we’re kissing and—”

“I wanted to get you off,” Nursey said. “I owe you, remember?”

Dex blinked.

“Oh.”

“Unless you…don’t want that?”

“Uh, no. I mean, yes. I do want that. That’d be, yeah, good. I just—”

“Are you stroking out right now?”

“I’m just confused.”

Dex slid down the edge of the bed, sitting cross-legged on Chowder’s hardwood floor. He rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. The emotional whiplash from waking up angry at Nursey this morning, to now passionately kissing and desiring him in a way he didn’t want to look at too closely was making Dex dizzy. Nursey hesitated for a moment, his hands opening and closing into fists at his side, before he sat down on the floor across from Dex.

“I swear I’m not trying to make you freak,” Nursey said. “If I was, you’d know.”

“I’m not freaking,” Dex lied.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Dex shook his head. Nursey let out a long breath, leaning back on his hands.

“Guys do this all the time, right?” Dex asked, desperately trying to apply some logic to the direction his life seemed to be heading. Nursey gave him a blank stare and Dex clarified. “Give each other handies?”

“Oh, yeah,” Nursey said, with a firm nod. “For sure.”

“Do you think Ransom and Holster ever do it?”

“Most def. And I know for a fact Ollie and Wicks do.”

“Really?”

“Yup.”

“Huh.” Dex digested this. “Is it only the D men? Or are all lineys fair game? What about Shitty and Jack?”

“You know what?” Nursey rubbed his chin, giving the matter serious thought. “That’s a hard maybe. And even if they haven’t done it, Shitty has definitely offered.”

“Probably more than once.”

“Lol, chyeah.”

They both laughed, Dex feeling more relaxed now that he was distracted from the matter at hand. Which was probably the reason he asked the next question. That, and morbid curiosity.

“Would you sleep with Jack Zimmermann?”

Nursey, again, gave this serious consideration.

“I mean, probs,” was his final answer. “Wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know. That ass really is intimidating.”

Nursey snickered, then cupped his hands around his mouth, yelling, “Dat ass thoooooough.”

“Dat aaaasssssss,” Dex repeated, both of them collapsing into more laughter. Dex had forgotten it could be like this with Nursey sometimes. Usually they needed Chowder mediating their energy, but every once in a while they just clicked. The thought sobered Dex. “For real though, I’d probably feel very inadequate. He’s so fit. His abs could cut glass.”

“Aw, Poindexter, you’ve got nothin’ to be ashamed of,” Nursey said, grinning out of the side of his mouth. Dex could see a glint of his white teeth.

“Yeah? You like this?” Dex moved around to sit up on his knees, gesturing down at his body. His confidence wasn’t exactly restored, but horniness was winning over confusion for the moment.

“Alright, don’t push it,” Nursey laughed as Dex crawled over to him.

“You want aaaall this?” Dex unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and gave Nursey his best blue steel.

“Fuckin’ nerd.” Nursey rolled his eyes fondly.

Dex lunged, toppling them over onto the ground, Nursey pinned underneath him. Dex, secretly thrilled with the new allowance of kissing, kissed Nursey everywhere his mouth could reach – his Adam’s apple, his jaw, his stupid smug eyebrows, the curved bridge of his nose – before Nursey slid his fingers through the short hair on the back of Dex’s head, directing Dex’s mouth back onto his. Dex ran his tongue along the seam of Nursey’s lips, feeling them curve into a smile underneath him before opening and letting him in. Nursey’s teeth grazed Dex’s lower lip and Dex groaned. Then Nursey hooked his leg around Dex’s hip and flipped them, so he could be on top.

“Ow!” Dex cried as his back hit the hard floor, his exclamation of pain quickly muffled by Nursey’s mouth over his.

“Can I touch you?” Nursey asked, his breath hot against Dex’s face. He was sliding his hand under Dex’s shirt, pushing it up to expose his stomach, then back down to brush his knuckles over the V-line at Dex’s hips. Dex’s muscles jumped under the touch.

“Yeah,” Dex grunted, trying to ignore the pain in his back and focus just on Nursey’s hands.

Nursey tugged at the belt Dex had on, the belt he always had on because the waist on his pants were a size too big. They were hand-me-downs from his brother, but that aside he usually had to go a size up in order to accommodate his long legs. Nursey never seemed to have that problem, and they were the same height. Everything Nursey wore fit him like a glove. Dex would ask where he bought his jeans if he thought he could afford them.

Finally, Nursey was able to get the fly of his pants open and shove them down enough that he could grasp Dex over his boxers and _fuck_.

“Fuck,” Dex said aloud, pushing his hips up into Nursey’s hand.

“Needy,” Nursey chirped, nipping the area where Dex’s neck met his shoulder.

“Whose fault is that?”

“Have I been driving you crazy, Poindexter?” Nursey asked, rubbing Dex to full hardness over the fabric of his boxers.

“You are constantly driving me crazy, Nurse. That’s like your MO.”

“Flirt.” Nursey pecked him on the cheek. “Unbutton your shirt. We don’t wanna make a mess of your clothes again.”

“Excuse me, _we_? That was all you last time.”

“Or leave your shirt on, see if I care.”

Dex rolled his eyes, reaching for the buttons on his shirt while Nursey continued to stroke his now over-sensitized dick. Dex was distantly aware of Nursey’s own erection pressing hard against the leg he was straddling.

“Oh my god,” Nursey said, almost more to himself than to Dex, “there’s a wet spot on your boxers and everything.” He pressed a thumb right against the head of Dex’s cock and Dex whined. “Fuck, how close are you?”

“Please,” Dex panted, not really knowing what he was asking for. He finished undoing the buttons, pushed his shirt aside, then placed his hand on top of Nursey’s.

“You want me to stop?”

Dex shook his head, guiding Nursey’s hand under the waistband of his boxers, but Nursey pulled his hand away.

“Not yet,” he said.

“Don’t be a dick, Nurse.”

“No, you’ll like this.”

Nursey winked as he slid himself down the length of Dex’s body, until his head was between Dex’s legs. Dex propped himself up on an elbow to look down at him.

“Nurse, what—”

Dex’s words were immediately choked off when Nursey placed his mouth over the head of his clothed dick. He mouthed down the length of him then back up, staying on him with his hot breath and tongue until the material was completely soaked through.

Dex didn’t know what to do with his hands, so they clawed at the floorboards and his toes curled in his sneakers while Nursey held his hips down. Occasionally, one of Nursey’s hands would wander up the planes of his stomach. The left side of Dex’s back was still throbbing painfully. He found himself focusing intently on a water spot on Chowder’s ceiling, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, just to keep himself from being completely overwhelmed.

“Close now?” Nursey mumbled, some of the fabric stuck to his spit-slick lip.

“Uuunggh,” Dex said.

“Chill.”

Nursey pulled down Dex’s boxers, just enough to expose his dick to the suddenly very cold air and took him in his fist. Nursey finished him off in about five strokes, though he kept going all the way through it, twisting his wrist at the end just like Dex had shown him.

Eventually Dex had to bat his hand away. It was too much. Dex lay boneless on the floor, trying to catch his breath. Dex heard Nursey rifling around Chowder’s nightstand for a second, presumably finding something to clean his hands with. Dex’s presumption proved correct when a box of tissues landed by his own head. Dex grabbed a few, his arms feeling like lead, as he cleaned himself up and tucked his dick back into his damp boxers, which were way grosser and not nearly as erotic as they had been mere moments before. Nursey laid back down on the floor next to him, not touching, staring at the ceiling.

“Christ, my back fucking hurts,” Dex finally said.

“Really? That’s what you’re gonna say after all that?”

“The floor was a bad idea.”

“For fuck’s sake, Poindexter.” Nursey sat up, rubbing his eyes, then glaring down at Dex. “Any other constructive criticism?”

“Oh. The rest was fine.”

“Just fine?”

“Okay, it was good. Real good.” Nursey started to get up in a huff, and scared that he was going to leave again, Dex sat up. “What do you want from me? I mean, obviously I liked it. I’m not a words guy, Nurse, that’s your job.”

Nursey crossed his arms and chewed the side of his cheek, but he did look down at Dex. “You liked it, huh?”

“Yeah, real mind-blowing stuff.”

“Don’t be sarcastic.”

“I’m not!” Dex let out a frustrated noise. “Derek Nurse, aside from the fact that I now have a bruised spinal column, that was the best hand job of my whole damn life. There.”

Nursey smiled, a mischievous gleam in his eye.

“Noice.”

“You’re such an asshole.”

“Takes one to know one, asshole.”

Dex slowly stood up, stretching out his back and readjusting his jeans, buckling his belt. Nursey climbed up on Chowder’s bed, digging around in his backpack until he pulled out the small moleskine notebook that Dex had seen on him before. He dug around some more until he had a pen, and then he was flipping to a dog-eared page and writing.

Dex watched him for a couple seconds, wondering if he just had to jot something down, before he realized Nursey had moved all his focus to the notebook and seemingly forgotten about him entirely. Dex felt like he was intruding.

“Um, so…are you good?” Dex asked.

“Huh?” Nursey didn’t look up from whatever line he was writing.

“I really do try not to be a total asshole,” Dex said. “Do you need to…do you want me to help you?”

“Oh, nah man, it’s all good.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means I’m good.”

Then Dex noticed the way Nursey was sitting and had been awkwardly tugging at his jeans.

“Oh my god, you jizzed your pants,” Dex said with a small amount of awe. “Didn’t you?”

“Got caught up in the moment.” Nursey shrugged. “It’s been known to happen.”

“Wow,” Dex said, stupidly, because he couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Dex puttered around the room for a few minutes while Nursey continued doing whatever the hell he was doing in his notebook. Sometimes the scratching of his pen would pause and there would be moments of silence where he stared at the wall or started counting on his fingers. Then the scratching would resume. Dex tried to find anything out of place in Chowder’s room to clean up, destroy the evidence, so to speak. He took their dirty tissues to the hallway bathroom, dumping the remainder of his tub juice down the sink while he was there. When he returned Nursey was still deeply invested in his writing.

“If you want I can wait and walk you home,” Dex offered, not really feeling up to rejoining the kegster just beneath their feet, which was not showing any signs of stopping.

“Oh, chill, but I was gonna text C and see if he minded me crashing here for the night. ‘Cause I’m, like, in the zone right now. And maybe he’d let me borrow some pj pants.”

“Oh,” Dex said. “Okay.”

He hovered a moment longer, scuffing his sneakers against the floor while Nursey continued to ignore him. Finally, Dex picked up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder.

“You heading out?” Nursey asked, still not making eye contact.

“I think so, yeah.”

“Cool. Night, bruh.”

“Right,” Dex said, turning to leave, “g’night.”

“Dex, wait,” Nursey called when Dex had his hand on the door. “C’mere.”

Dex walked back over to the bed, in a bit of a daze. Nothing for the past several hours had felt real. And now his body both ached and felt sated and he felt like he could pass out the second his head hit the pillow. He stopped in front of the bed, where Nursey was still sitting cross legged, and Nursey finally looked up at him.

“What, Nurse?”

Nursey hooked his finger behind the collar of Dex’s shirt and pulled him in for one more kiss, a kiss that was sweeter than all the rest. Just laziness and warmth and lips.

“Get back safe,” he said. “Sweet dreams.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could it be that Nursey and Dex are actually getting somewhere?? Or is it far too early in the story for that and they still aren't being completely honest with themselves lmaooo. Tune in next Wednesday for chapter 4, ft. a roadie, spongebob references, and humiliating but hilarious sexual experiences! 
> 
> Also, there was not one, but TWO Huddle easter eggs in this chapter 👀 Did you catch them both?
> 
> Update: Check out the aesthetic board for this chapter on [tumblr!](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/post/632905852508045312/we-can-make-it-count-nurseydex-aesthetic-board)
> 
> If you're enjoying this fic, please like and share it on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/post/630281626078806016/work-in-progress-by-edgarallanrose-rating-e-word) or [twitter!](https://twitter.com/edgarallanrose1/status/1317464581179101184?s=21) Sharing posts and word of mouth are the best ways to support my work, I appreciate it so much!
> 
> Subscribe to me [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgarallanrose/profile) on Ao3, or follow me on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/), and on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Edgarallanrose1) to receive notifications on chapter updates!


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who the fuck says ‘chill’ during orgasm? Who does that!”

Dex wouldn’t say things with Nursey were better after the kegster, but they were at least back to normal. Or, their personal brand of normal anyway. But with more handjobs. 

Okay, maybe that was actually weird and not-normal. Dex tried not to think about it too much. He settled into it as a part of his routine. 

  * Wake up
  * Practice
  * Team breakfast
  * Argue with Nursey about current events/music/the way his face looks/etc.
  * Class
  * Lunch with Chowder (complain about what Nursey said that morning)
  * Class
  * Gym
  * Library/homework at the Haus
  * Dinner
  * Walk back to dorm with Nursey
  * Jerk each other off (fast, before his roommate gets back)
  * Nursey leaves to go back to his own dorm
  * Bed



A very normal schedule for your average college athlete, Dex thought. 

There wasn’t as much kissing going on anymore, though. Dex couldn’t sort out why this disappointed him. It shouldn’t matter to him either way. Occasionally, if they knew that they had enough time, they would make out before jerking off. But it was more like a means-to-an-end kissing, with grinding bodies and swapping spit. Not the kind of desperate, needy kissing they shared that night at the kegster. And certainly, no gentle face touching or sweet goodnight kisses.

Dex wondered if that extra tenderness that first time was just curated to ease Dex into the idea. Gay Kissing Lite, so he wouldn’t get scared off. That, or Nursey was more drunk at the kegster than Dex realized. But Dex was very well acquainted with drunk-Nursey, and he wouldn’t have done any of that stuff with Nursey that night if he thought he was actually drunk. Nursey’s eyes had been clear, his speech was normal, his smile was easy, but still guarded. Nursey’s drunk-smiles were full of gums and teeth, eyes crinkled and narrow with laugh lines.

Dex didn’t get any of these iterations of Nursey when he would go up to Dex’s room (always Dex’s room, not Nursey’s, which was hardly fair since at Nursey’s they wouldn’t have to deal with the threat of a roommate walking in at any time. But whatever, Dex was trying to his best not to pick fights). Nursey would just act like he was there to study. Or talk about practice. Not that they actually did those things, or even pretended to, but that was the casual air with which they conducted their business. Just bros jerking off other bros. Nursey even fist bumped him once after he finished and zipped up his jeans. Dex was so stunned that he just let it happen. He fist bumped and  _ later bro’d  _ Nursey with the same hand that had just been on his dick, and the same mouth that had just been full of Nursey’s tongue.

The only consistency in Dex’s life lately was his state of confusion.

Well, that and hockey.

The first roadie of the season arrived with the promise that Dex could finally fix his head back on straight. He knew the rules. He knew the plays. He knew the ice. And he could empty his brain of literally everything else.

“Fine dining and breathing,” Holster said from the adjacent seat on the bus. Dex had just said something out loud to the effect of what he had been thinking. Obviously omitting all the Nursey stuff.

“What?”

“Empty your miiind,” Ransom said, jumping in on the bit, “empty your mind of everything that doesn't have to do with fine dining. Fine dining and breathing.”

“Hockey and breeeaaathing.”

They did this. Constantly.

Chowder joined in from his seat in front of them, next to Bitty.

“What's his name? What's his name! I've got nothing on a name!”

“Come on, baby, what's the name?”

“WE THREW OUT HIS NAME!” Holster bellowed. 

“It’s William, in case you forgot,” Nursey said next to him, having removed one of his earbuds to get in on the ruckus. Holster was still screaming in the background:  _ SOUP FOR YOUR ARMPIT?  _ “You are William Johnathan Poindexter.”

“My middle name is not Johnathan.”

“Jeffrey.”

“No.”

“Jimothy.”

“ _ Nurse _ .”

“I won’t rest ‘til I’ve guessed it.”

“You shouldn’t have to guess! I’ve told you before, many times, and you always forget.”

“You refuse to remind me.”

“I’ve already—!”

“Boys,” Bitty said, with a tired sigh. “Please.”

“This is why I requested to room with Chowder for this roadie,” Dex huffed.

“What? No, I requested to room with C.”

“Well I did it first!”

“How could you possibly know whether—”

“Actually.” Lardo  _ ahem _ ed. “Bitty requested Chowder first. I assigned them a room together.”

Dex shot Bitty and Chowder a traitorous glare. Chowder hid his face behind the seat, and Bitty just raised his eyebrows in a benign smile.

“You two always room together, so we kept it that way,” Holster explained. “We figured it was roadie superstition.”

“Bitty,” Dex snapped. “You told us you didn’t have a favorite frog. You loved us all equally.”

Bitty hummed and shrugged, tapping away at his phone. Probably live tweeting the whole thing.

“I’m not rooming with Nurse.”

“Yo, sitting right here, man.”

“Nobody ever listens to me!”

“I’m sorry, Dex,” Chowder said, finally peeking his nose just above the headrest of his seat. “But Bitty did ask first.”

Since Dex had already cycled through the denial and anger stages of grief, he turned to bargaining.

“Please, Lardo. Ransom. Holster. I’ll do anything. I can do more chores around the Haus. I’ve been meaning to get to that dryer in the basement.” When that didn’t seem to drum up any interest, Dex switched tactics. “Bitty. I’ve heard you complaining about your electric hand mixer. I can fix it, probably even MacGyver it into a stand mixer if you want me too.”

That did catch Bitty’s attention for a moment, but then Ransom stepped in.

“No way, bro. As one of your co-captains, I say that it’s time for you to grow out of your froggy ways and handle your shit like an adult.”

“Yeah,” Nursey added snidely.

“You too, Nursey,” Holster said. “Both of you just work each other up until one of you explodes. You need to  _ build _ each other up, create a stable relationship.”

“Yo, that was some good captain shit,” Ransom whispered to Holster.

“Really, bro?”

“Yeah bro, like, I’m so inspired right now.”

They gave each other watery smiles and fist bumped. Dex was quickly spiraling into a nausea inducing panic attack.

How could he be trapped in a room alone with Nursey right now? All night long? The horny part of his brain told him this was a rare opportunity with uninterrupted hours at their disposal and ample plausible deniability. Then the raging dumpster fire that was the rest of his brain was convinced that it could only go badly. Nursey was going to hate spending that much time with him. He always acted like he couldn’t leave fast enough after they finished in his dorm. Now Nursey wouldn’t have an escape route. It was highly likely they would both end up killing each other before the night was over. Or even worse, Nursey was going to realize how tired he was of Dex, and everything between them would end.

Both Dex and Nursey were quiet after Ransom and Holster were done congratulating themselves on their stellar captaining. They had moved their attention to Bitty instead.

“More importantly,” Holster was saying, “who have you been texting this whole fucking bus ride?”

“Me? I haven’t been texting anybody.”

“You’ve been grinning at your phone like a loon every other minute,” Ransom accused.

“I’m just on Twitter!”

“Twitter has a character limit.” Holster reached across the aisle to swipe at Bitty’s phone, but Bitty quickly stuffed it down between his thighs. “You’ve been texting like a whole novel!”

“Oh, leave me alone. There ain’t nobody to talk about.”

“So there  _ is _ somebody that you’re  _ choosing _ not to talk about!

“DEETS, BRO.”

Dex felt a nudge against his knee and looked down to see Nursey holding out one of his earbuds for him, though his face was still turned away, looking out the window. Dex gratefully took the earbud, catching Nursey’s gaze in the window reflection for just a moment, before looking away again. Even noise canceling headphones were incapable of completely drowning out Holster’s deafening, brassy voice. But the music gave Dex something else to focus on, a way to tune them out. To breathe to the rhythm. To slow his heart rate.

He had just very vocally and loudly complained about not wanting to spend time with Nursey; then Nursey did shit like this that made Dex feel like maybe Nursey was really the only person in the world who fully understood him.

Dex didn’t know the song that was playing. Music was another subject that he and Nursey fundamentally disagreed on, but he didn’t mind this one so much. Not enough to admit it to Nursey, of course. He tried to listen closely to the lyrics. He would look them up later so he could listen to the song on his own.

\--- 

The game was fucking killer. A shutout at 3-0. They celebrated as late as curfew allowed, doing everything short of lifting Chowder up on their shoulders and throwing a parade for him. Dex had never felt more connected to Nursey on the ice. Holster even commented on it at dinner, shouting through a mouthful of cheeseburger, “It’s like CREEPY TWIN TELEPATHY. Only you are NOT TWINS.”

“Wait, Dex,” Chowder said, “what is Nursey thinking  _ right now _ ?”

“He’s concentrating on not accidentally knocking over his drink,” Dex said. “And probably thinking about how my ass looks better than his in uniform.”

“Hey! I—” Nursey immediately elbowed his glass and spilled soda all over their table. Everyone erupted into laughter as Nursey grumpily flagged down the waitress for more napkins.

Back at the hotel, their high spirits hadn’t diminished. Dex’s face was flushed; his cheeks hurt from smiling. He and Nursey shoved at each other good-naturedly down the hallway until they got to the door to their room and they both fell silent. Nursey reached for his wallet to get the room key.

“Nurse. I’m sorry about what I said. On the bus earlier.”

“It’s chill.” Nursey shrugged.

“No, it’s not. What Holster said—”

“Listen, Poindexter.” Nursey turned his most winning smile on him. Fixed. Not quite reaching his eyes. Dex knew it well. “We just had a 'swawesome game. I feel good, you feel good. We can spend our whole lives apologizing to each other for shit that doesn’t matter, or we can just focus on the positive. Okay?”

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

“Chyeah.” Nursey hip checked Dex on the way to the bathroom, throwing a wink over his shoulder.

Dex allowed himself to smile about it as soon as Nursey closed the bathroom door.

Nursey emerged a couple minutes later, wearing an Andover pullover and plaid pajama pants, just as Dex was tugging on his own t-shirt.

“Lucky Catch,” Nursey read off Dex’s shirt with a snicker. Dex rolled his eyes and turned around so Nursey could read the back of the shirt. “Poindexter and Sons. Boothbay Harbor, Maine.”

“My uncle’s lobster boat,” Dex explained, digging his toothbrush out of his duffle bag. 

“Cute.”

“He thinks so, yeah.”

Dex watched himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth. He had owned that particular shirt since he was thirteen. It had been too big on him then, hanging off his shoulders and falling to his knees, but now it almost fit. There were tiny holes on the sleeves and the collar was stretched and worn out. He could only see teenaged Will, all elbows and knees and sunburned skin. Angry. Poor. Heart on his sleeve. He wondered what Nursey saw when he looked at him. Nursey in his pristine Andover sweatshirt. Nursey who could filter his emotions and look relaxed and cheerful even when he didn’t feel that way. Maybe especially then.

When Dex opened the bathroom door, Nursey was sitting on the edge of one of the beds, one leg tucked underneath him. He was already looking at Dex, waiting for him. He stood up and Dex froze.

“Poindexter,” he said, and he was crossing the room. “Dex.”

And just like that Dex was reaching for him, pulling him in by fistfuls of his thick, expensive sweater as Nursey hooked his fingers into the sagging collar of his t-shirt. Their lips crashed together. Nursey used some kind of hippy toothpaste from Whole Foods; Dex had seen it on the counter. But he tasted just like regular spearmint, same as Dex. Dex licked deep into Nursey’s mouth, searching past the toothpaste flavor for the taste that was distinctly Nursey.

Nursey had flipped them around, his hands pushing at Dex’s hips as he guided him towards the bed. Dex sat down when the backs of his legs hit the mattress, and Nursey crowded right up into his space, leaning over him, one palm against the side of Dex’s face, the other bracing the back of his head. Nursey pulled back sometimes, just out of reach, forcing Dex to crane his neck higher, to reach up to kiss him. 

It was maddening. Dex loved it.

“I wanna do something,” Nursey breathed against Dex’s cheek.

“Yeah.” Dex was already nodding. “Okay.”

Nursey pressed the inside of Dex’s knees, prying them apart so he could insert his body between them. Dex was watching his face, waiting for Nursey to explain what happened next.

Then Nursey dropped to his knees.

“Oh,” Dex said. His voice cracked, but he didn’t even have time to be embarrassed because Nursey was palming him over his pajama pants and  _ fuck _ .

“Can we…” Nursey was already tugging at his waistband. “Can I…?”

Dex lifted his hips and helped Nursey pull his boxers down with his pants. Dex leaned back on his hands and groaned as Nursey felt up his thighs and brushed the back of his knuckles across Dex’s abdomen. Dex squirmed when Nursey finally wrapped a hand around him and placed his other hand firmly over Dex’s hip. Nursey lowered his head and then stopped mere inches from Dex’s dick. 

Dex tried not to scream.

“Whoa,” Nursey said. “You literally have freckles  _ everywhere _ .”

“Oh my god, Nurse!”

“And your pubes are so soft.” Nursey skimmed his fingers over them again to confirm his own statement. Dex’s stomach jumped. “Fuck, do you condition them?”

“What? No, I do not condition my pubes! What the fuck?”

“I’ve never felt pubes this soft. Is it a ginger thing?”

“Can you please stop stalling and commenting on my junk? Jesus Christ, Nurse.”

Nursey frowned, and Dex realized what he had just said. Was Nursey actually stalling? Was he nervous? Had he never done this before? Or was this still typical of Nursey’s weird and wildly inappropriate observations?

Nursey confidently opened his mouth, leaned down, and took almost all of Dex in one go. Dex could hardly believe his own eyes, and then he couldn’t even bear to look anymore. He squeezed them shut, focusing on the hot, wet heat of Nursey’s mouth.

Then Nursey made a horrific noise like he was about to vomit.

“Oh my god,” Dex said, eyes snapping open, his hands reflexively covering his dick as Nursey reeled back.

“Augh,” Nursey hacked.

“Are you okay?”

“Yup.” Nursey clutched his own throat and swallowed, breathing through his nose. 

“What the hell was that?”

“Chill, it’s chill. I’m fine now.”

“Did you just choke on my dick?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Poindexter.”

“You did! Nurse, you are literally gagging for it.” 

“I hate you.”

“You don’t.”

“Do you want me to suck your dick or nah?”

“Yes, please.”

Even Nursey had to crack a smile at that, taking Dex’s dick back in his hand and pumping his fist a few times. Dex shuddered.

“A 'please'! Start talking head and suddenly he has manners.”

Nursey dipped his head down, taking a slightly gentler approach. At first he just used his tongue, and that was as far as Dex got before he had to stop watching again. Then Nursey had just the tip in his mouth, sucking before bobbing his head up and down at a steady pace. He used his hand more, not taking him as deeply into his mouth. 

Dex preferred this. He liked the feeling of getting more of Nursey at one time, but not being completely overwhelmed. 

Dex’s breath was getting shallow, sweat beading on his forehead. Dex could count the number of previous blowjobs he’d received on one hand. His ex-girlfriend hadn’t loved doing it, and he had exactly one hookup his Freshman year that could only be described as unfortunate. He would watch porn and wonder what he was missing. 

Absolutely nothing could prepare him for how Nursey’s mouth and tongue would feel. 

How many times had Dex almost been caught staring at Nursey’s mouth? At practice when he took a sip from his water bottle, a stray drop of water dripping down his chin. At breakfast when he would lick the peel-off lid of his yogurt. On roadies when he used his teeth to tear open bags of sunflower seeds. Dex watched every time. The fullness of Nursey’s lips, the right corner perpetually tugged upwards in a half-smile. 

Dex replayed it all on the backs of his eyelids and bit his lip, forcing himself to keep them shut tight.

“Poindexter,” Nursey mumbled, his lips still brushing the head of his dick. “Look at me.”

Dex knew if he looked now there would be no turning back.

“Dex.”

Dex blinked his eyes open and was greeted by the exact teasing smile he had been imagining. Nursey wrapped his lips around him, looking up through his eyelashes and sucking hard. 

Dex pitched forward slightly, a whine escaping from the back of his throat. Nursey’s eyes were a little watery and had become a fascinating olive color. And his  _ lips _ …

“Nurse,” Dex groaned. “I’m gonna...you have to…”

“Yeah,” Nursey said, pulling off and switching fully to his hand, which glided easily up and down his spit-slick dick. “C’mon.”

“Ah! Ah, Nurse.”

He almost shut his eyes again, but Nursey dug his fingernails into Dex’s thigh. Dex met Nursey’s gaze, eyes blown wide, and Dex spilled all over Nursey’s hand. 

Dex collapsed, back hitting the mattress, arms spread wide beside him.

“I will also take a ‘thank you,’” Nursey said lightly, standing and walking towards the bathroom.

“Thank you,” Dex mumbled, not sure if Nursey heard him.

Dex breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth, readjusting his pajama pants as he did so. He stared at the ceiling, a laugh huffing out with his next breath. 

Nursey _ literally _ sucked his dick. And it was  _ amazing _ .

Nursey emerged from the bathroom and Dex sat up. Nursey headed straight for the opposite bed and flipped back the sheets.

“Welp,” he said, “goodnight.”

“What? You’re not gonna let me try it on you?”

Nursey gave him a hesitant look.

“I didn’t know if you’d want to.”

“I--” Dex bit back his words. He  _ did  _ want to. But he wasn’t sure what that meant, or how Nursey would interpret that. “It’s only fair.”

“Jeez, don’t do me any favors, Poindexter.”

“No, c’mon. Not like that. If you want it, I’d like to try.”

Dex could see the tenting of Nursey’s pajama pants, but did his best not to stare. Nursey nodded, just once, and Dex slid off the side of his bed and walked towards him on his knees. Nursey pulled his pants down to his knees then leaned back on his hands, looking down with hooded eyes as Dex took him in hand.

It was a familiar feeling now, the weight of him in Dex’s hand, the heat of his skin. There was already pre-come beading at the tip. Dex leaned down and licked it before thinking twice.

Dex had to school his expression at the taste. It was...not great, but not terrible. But the moan Nursey had made just from that…

He kept licking at the head, then dipped lower to lick up the entire length of him. The more he went at it, the more the taste faded to just skin and warmth. Then he wrapped his lips around him, like he had watched Nursey do, and Nursey’s dick twitched against his tongue.

“Fuck,” Nursey hissed.

Dex’s mouth already felt so full, and his knees were protesting, but he wanted more. He sank down further, slowly, taking a little at a time, breathing out his nose. 

Nursey’s hips were moving underneath him, like he couldn’t control himself. Encouraged, Dex moved faster, up and down, frowning in concentration. There was still a competitive edge to this, after all. If he could get through this without gagging he could hold it over Nursey’s head forever.

“Oh, oooohh,” Nursey moaned, chest heaving. “Ah,  _ chill _ .”

Dex started laughing around Nursey’s dick, because seriously  _ what the fuck _ ? Dex was so distracted by the absolute ridiculousness of it all that he didn’t put together that this was apparently the only warning Nursey was going to give him that he was coming. Dex’s mouth filled with come while he was mid-snort. He was suddenly hit with a burning sensation in his nose that was so strong that he flung himself back and hit the opposite bed.

“ _ Jesus Christ! _ ”

“Shit. Oh, shit, Poindexter. I’m sorry.”

Dex pressed his hands over his nose; there were tears streaming down his face.

“What happened? What did I--?”

“What the actual hell, Nurse! My sinuses are on fucking  _ fire _ !”

“Did you fucking snort my jizz?”

“Stop laughing!”

“You were the one laughing mid-blowjob! How is that supposed to make me feel?”

“Who the fuck says ‘chill’ during orgasm? Who does that!”

Dex wiped the back of his hand under his nose. He didn’t know what was snot and what was...well...god, it was disgusting. He stumbled half blind into the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it behind him. He grabbed the tissues on the bathroom counter and blew his nose until his nostrils were bright red. He turned on the sink and splashed water onto his face, scrubbing at his skin.

After burying his face in a towel for a moment, he sat on the lid of the toilet and tried not to cry. 

It was stupid. He pressed his fists into his eyes. 

He didn’t know why he always got so upset. He was frustrated that his emotions overwhelmed him, and then his feelings of frustration would overwhelm him. So fucking stupid.

This thing between him and Nursey was supposed to be easy. And yet, every time they were together it felt like anything but. Dex didn’t really believe in a higher power, or fate or karma or anything like that, but the whole thing was starting to feel like a huge cosmic joke. Yeah, he could finally enjoy casual sex with the only person he’d ever really desired, but it had to go  _ terribly wrong _ every. fucking. time.

Dex met his own eyes in the mirror as he replayed that last thought in his head. His eyes were puffy, his face and chest still red and splotchy. He looked miserable, and scared shitless. 

He wanted Nursey. He wanted Nursey so bad he could barely breathe when he thought about it. The way his skin itched whenever they were in the same space, the way his muscles tightened and his blood ran hot. It was all starting to make a little more sense. 

Dex had to laugh through the new tears that formed in his eyes. He hugged his knees to his chest and let his head fall back to hit the wall behind him. His whole body hurt, but it also didn’t feel like it was his. Like he was outside himself looking back on a person that he didn’t know. A guy he had never met before in his entire life.

By the time he left the bathroom, the lights in the room had been turned off, and Nursey was in bed facing the wall, breathing deeply.

Dex slipped quietly into the other bed, picking up his phone from where it was charging on the nightstand and pulling the covers over his head.

Under the safety of the blankets, he opened his browser and googled, ‘How do i know if i’m gay?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Dex :( I promise nice things will happen for him eventually, but for now, a n g s t. Also, this marks the halfway point of the fic! Chapter 5 will be up this Saturday (HAPPY HALLOWEEN), ft. Hausgiving, Chef Dex, and the first glimpse into Dex's family life back home...
> 
> If you're enjoying this fic, please like and share it on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/post/630281626078806016/work-in-progress-by-edgarallanrose-rating-e-word) or [twitter!](https://twitter.com/edgarallanrose1/status/1317464581179101184?s=21) Sharing posts and word of mouth are the best ways to support my work, I appreciate it so much!
> 
> Subscribe to me [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgarallanrose/profile) on Ao3, or follow me on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/), and on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Edgarallanrose1) to receive notifications on chapter updates!


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jack and I are dating.”
> 
> Jack had his arm wrapped around Bitty’s shoulders, looking at Bitty with such warmth in his eyes that Dex felt like he was intruding on something. He wasn’t even sure how he reacted in the moment. He was happy for them, obviously. And ready to defend them to the ends of the earth if the occasion ever arose. But Jack? Really? As if Dex’s world wasn’t already upside down, he now had to completely reframe a person he thought he had known pretty well.

Despite the unseasonably chilly autumn Samwell was having that year, Dex had been sweating in the kitchen with Bitty since 8:30 in the morning. This year’s Hausgiving was already way more elaborate than Dex's frog year, and – to listen to the seniors go on about it – it just got steadily more involved since the Bitty Kitchen Takeover of ‘13. Holster had told him once that before Bitty arrived, Hausgiving mostly consisted of the Boston Market drive thru and Cool Whip and beers from the Racist Stop & Shop. 

Bitty had been planning the menu all month. Ransom and Holster were in the backyard, constructing what they said was going to be a turkey deep fryer out of an old beer keg. Chowder and Nursey had been sent out on what had to be the third grocery trip of the week since they kept adding more things to eat. Dex was pretty sure his own family never went this hard for Thanksgiving. He was sort of disappointed knowing he would have to return home the next day to dry turkey and subpar pie. 

Some of the guys had already gone home for the short holiday break, but the ones who were still around knew to keep their ass out of the kitchen unless they wanted Bitty to put them to work. Which was why Dex showed up early and put on an apron without being asked.

It was nice and mostly quiet while they worked. Dex par-cooked the apples for the pie filling on the stovetop while Bitty rolled out the pie dough that he had portioned out and chilled the night before. Bitty was playing his music on a bluetooth speaker, occasionally commenting on a particular song or album. At one point he put a stop to baking altogether in order to make Dex watch a Destiny’s Child music video on his phone after Dex admitted to never seeing it before.

Bitty was in a much better mood than he had been the last few weeks. Before, Bitty had been withdrawn and anxious. Dex caught him crying in the kitchen one night and Bitty blamed it on chopping onions, even though he was clearly making cupcakes. Now Dex knew why.

A few days before Bitty had sent a text to his group chat with the other frogs that he had made muffins and “wanted to talk.” Dex had been a little surprised but not too shocked to find Jack already in the kitchen that day. Jack was obviously a super busy, professional hockey player now, but he still visited pretty regularly. Which Dex had thought was cool so hadn’t ever questioned. When he, Nursey, and Chowder had all sat down, muffins already half eaten, Bitty had told them.

“Jack and I are dating.”

Jack had his arm wrapped around Bitty’s shoulders, looking at Bitty with such warmth in his eyes that Dex felt like he was intruding on something. He wasn’t even sure how he reacted in the moment. He was happy for them, obviously. And ready to defend them to the ends of the earth if the occasion ever arose. But  _ Jack _ ? Really? As if Dex’s world wasn’t already upside down, he now had to completely reframe a person he thought he had known pretty well.

How could he not have seen? Not have known? Was this why he couldn’t even figure out his own damn self? Chowder was thrilled, and Nursey had barely batted an eye. What did they get that he didn’t?

Dex kept watching Bitty out of the corner of his eye. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was looking for. Bitty wasn’t the only gay person Dex knew, but he was the only one Dex was close to. Was there anything about Bitty that felt familiar? Like something that was also a part of himself? 

Bitty popped his hip to the side whenever he searched through the cupboards or pantry for ingredients. He tilted his head and talked under his breath while he baked. Dex checked in on his own body to see if he was mimicking the movements, but Dex was mostly a hunched-shoulders, hands-in-pockets guy. 

Dex looked at him and tried to see if he felt any different from before his mild breakdown about his sexual identity. 

Bitty was still small. And blonde. A little high-strung.

Dex wondered if he could’ve liked Bitty, as in _ like _ liked Bitty. Dex liked being close to him. He admired him, as a good teammate and a good friend. Maybe fixing the oven all the time had started subconsciously as a way to impress Bitty and be around him more, and then it had evolved into this sous-chef routine. The fact that Bitty trusted him in the kitchen was the highest compliment anyone in the Haus could hope to receive.

But Dex was pretty confident that he didn’t feel anything further than that. The thought relieved him a bit. Maybe he had been overreacting about Nursey after all. Maybe this didn’t mean that he–

“Dex!” Bitty said, giving him a frantic look.

“Huh?”

“I said the caramel is smoking.”

“Goddammit,” Dex swore, moving the pot off the burner, stirring frantically. It seemed mostly unharmed, but Bitty was wrinkling his nose at it. He would probably redo it later.

“Are you alright? You seem a little distracted.”

“No, sorry, I’m okay.”

“You’ve been lookin’ at me funny all morning.”

“I’m, uh, just hungry. All the food, you know.”

“Oh.” Bitty frowned. “Well, you could’ve said something. I’ll whip us up some lunch.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Nonsense. Sit down and finish arranging the pecans on this pie for me. I’ll make sandwiches.”

“Are you sure? You’re better at the decorating stuff.”

“You just circle them around from outside in. Jack is usually my kitchen assistant, and he’s a little hopeless, lord bless him, so the bar is very low. I’ve already started it, you can’t mess it up.” Bitty pushed Dex towards a chair at the dinner table and shoved a bag of pecans at him. “I believe in you, Dex.”

Dex carefully placed each pecan on the pie one by one, trying to follow the spacing Bitty had set up, while Bitty fished some ham and cheese out of the fridge. 

“Mustard?” Bitty asked.

“Yes, please. Bitty, can I ask you something?”

“Swiss or American? And sure, shoot.”

“Swiss. How did you know you were gay?”

Bitty whipped his head around to look at Dex, his arms full of condiments, the fridge door still swung wide open behind him.

“Sorry,” Dex mumbled, staring back down at the pie. “That’s probably really personal. You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, it’s alright.” Bitty shut the fridge door with his heel, dumping the ingredients on the kitchen counter. “I guess I always knew. I was always a little different. Kids treated me different. One day I put two and two together. I couldn’t even say it out loud to myself until I got Samwell, though.”

“Huh.”

“Also I had a huge crush on Zac Efron when I was twelve. I had a High School Musical poster on the inside of my closet door. How’s that for a metaphor?”

Dex laughed, breaking the pecan in his hand into little tiny pieces, then trying to reassemble it on top of the kitchen table.

“I dunno if I’ve ever really thought about it, actually. I probably knew I was gay the same way you know you’re straight.”

Dex shifted uncomfortably in his seat, but didn’t say anything. Bitty finished their sandwiches and slid the plate across the table before sitting adjacent to Dex. He folded his hands under his chin, giving Dex a concerned look.

“Dex, why do you ask?”

Dex shrugged. He took a bite of the sandwich even though at this point he wasn’t hungry at all.

Bitty sighed, methodically tearing off the crusts around his sandwich. 

“I have something I need to say to you,” Bitty said, “and we don’t have to talk about it. But I feel bad keeping this from you. And if you do want to talk, please know that I’m here for you. You can reach out to me.”

Dex stared at him. He had absolutely no idea where Bitty was going with this. 

Bitty took a deep breath.

“I saw you. With Nursey. I saw you at the kegster after our first game, when you went upstairs together.” 

All the air left Dex’s lungs. He had no idea what expression he was making, but he must’ve looked scared out of his mind because Bitty immediately added,

“I haven’t told anyone! I never would. And no one else saw, as far as I know. I wasn’t going to bring it up, but I thought. Well. I thought if you needed help, or for someone to listen…”

Dex’s heart physically hurt it was beating so hard against his ribcage. He didn’t know whether to fight or flee. He was angry. Angry at Bitty for getting in his business. Angry at Nursey for arguably starting all of this shit. Angry at himself for letting them get caught. Stupid, he had been so  _ stupid. _

He thought about laughing, outright denying everything. He was sure Bitty would drop it. But Bitty would also know he was lying. 

“I was drunk,” was all Dex could come up with.

Bitty gave Dex a sort of pitying look that only made Dex angrier.

“No, you weren’t.”

“Fine, no I wasn’t!” Dex admitted. “But I don’t know what I was thinking. It was only supposed to be one time!”

“It’s happened more than once?”

Dex put his head in his hands. He just couldn’t help but dig his own grave.

“We’ve hooked up a couple times.”

Bitty pursed his lips at the lie. “Are you two...dating?”

“No! God, no. Me and Nurse? We’d kill each other.”

“I don’t understand, what exactly is goin’ on then?”

“I don’t know,” Dex said miserably. “It’s just casual. Blowing off steam. It doesn’t mean anything. That’s what he said.”

“Do you want it to mean something?”

“I’m not gay,” Dex said, old defenses back up. “So, no. I guess not.”

“I see.” Bitty took a delicate bite of his sandwich. 

“It’s just easier this way, you know? Dating is annoying, both our schedules match up, I don’t have to like. Buy him Valentine’s gifts.”

“His birthday is Valentine’s Day. I sure hope you’d buy him a gift.”

“You know what I mean,” Dex sighed. He had no idea who he was trying to convince in this conversation. Himself or Bitty. “Straight guys do this kind of thing all the time. It’s just sex.”

“Well, I guess I wouldn’t know anything about what ‘straight guys do,’ would I?” Bitty said with a laugh, though he still seemed sort of sad. “As long as you’re happy.”

“Yeah. I mean, he still drives me crazy. But it’s as good as it can be.”

Bitty chewed thoughtfully for a moment. 

“Jack and I used to not get along, you know. We fought all the time.”

“Okay, I find that hard to believe.” Dex obviously hadn’t known the extent of their feelings, but Dex had always known them as friends, and that Jack had a bit of a soft spot for Bitty. “Literally when?”

“Back in my frog days. You weren’t here yet. We were never quite as...volatile as you two, but boy he really gave me a hard time.” Bitty laughed to himself. “I used to rant about how mean and awful he was on my vlog.”

Dex frowned around his sandwich. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that once we got our heads out of our you-know-whats we found out we were really good for each other and now he’s the love of my life!”

“If Nurse is the love of my life that’d be really fucking depressing.”

Bitty rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Whatever.” Dex knew Bitty was only trying to help, but he was starting to feel a little sick. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But I really don’t think me and Nurse are the same as you and Jack.”

“Okay.” Bitty wiped his hands on a napkin and spoke without looking at him. “Well, thank you for sharing with me.”

“Thanks for the sandwich.”

“Of course.” 

Bitty picked up their plates, clearing them to the sink. Dex resumed his pecan decorations, his pulse still racing and his ears burning.

“I’m only gonna say one more thing,” Bitty said, turning around to lean against the counter, “and then I’ll leave it alone. There are a lot of reasons people might want to keep things casual, or just can’t be out in the open, like me and Jack. But I also want you to know it’s okay to want more than ‘just sex.’ You deserve to have sex with someone who loves you, William, whoever that person may be.”

Thankfully, Bitty really couldn’t add more than that, because the front door of the Haus slammed open at that moment, the heavy footsteps of Nursey and Chowder recognizable as they stomped into the kitchen.

“We bought, like, so many potatoes,” Nursey said, his arms sagging under the weight of four plastic shopping bags.

“Whoa, Dex, that pie looks ‘swawesome,” Chowder said, hopping behind Dex and putting his hands on his shoulders. 

“Thanks,” Dex said, sniffing quickly and trying to disguise it with a cough. He hoped he didn’t look like he was about to cry. “Bitty helped.”

–-- 

It would probably surprise his teammates to know, but Dex was the quiet one in his family. It wasn’t hard to be quiet when his house was packed with literally dozens of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Most of his cousins were older and already married, some with kids of their own. Dex’s older brother was married, too. Dex was the middle child in a house of three boys. The only one with red hair. The only one who used to cry at everything when he was little. His mom had always called him ‘sensitive.’ His older brother had called him something less kind.

It was easier to clam up all those emotions at home. He knew how to act here. He knew how to get along and cope. 

At school, and with Nursey, he was flying without a safety net.

At Thanksgiving dinner he sat through hours of impassioned screaming about football, which he didn’t mind so much, and his uncles loudly complaining about Obama, which he didn’t use to mind before he went to Samwell. Now it just made him uncomfortable. He amused himself by making up reactions in his head of the kind of stuff Shitty would be saying if he were there. Or Holster. 

Or Nursey.

Dex spent the majority of his holiday weekend imaging what it would be like to bring Nursey home to his family. To watch liberal, prep-school, biracial, New York Nursey interact with his conservative, Republican, blue collar, Irish Catholic family. The thought only made him upset.

When he got back to school his time was mostly taken up by hockey and preparing for finals. He had a huge humanities paper that was threatening to end his life, but Nursey had started editing it in exchange for some math tutoring. For a guy who spoke in hashtags, he wrote like he had a PhD. 

They lost a home game and the whole team felt it for two solid weeks. It felt like everyone was at their wit’s end. Ransom and Holster were really starting to feel the pressures of their theses. Dex barely saw Chowder outside of class and practice because he was spending so much time planning his holiday break with Farmer. Bitty had a full scale meltdown about his French final in the middle of team breakfast and no one even reacted because they were all right there with him.

Dex was ready for the semester to end. 

Despite it all, things between him and Nursey were okay. They didn’t have as much time to fuck around like they had been, mostly reserving their hookups for roadies when they were alone together anyway. They had actually fallen asleep in the same bed during a recent hotel stay, which had been...nice. 

His feelings weren’t any less confusing, but he felt like the holidays would do him some good. Maybe he just needed some time and space to cool down and move on. 

\--- 

Dex got an 89% on his humanities paper. 10 of those points were for the bibliography alone, which Nursey had basically done for him. Dex gave him another blowjob as a thank you, which Nursey seemed to enjoy, but Dex was pretty sure he bruised the back of his throat trying to go deep; he could feel it the whole next day. Also Nursey came in his hair instead of up his nose which, while a slight improvement, was still not ideal.

“Do you and Jack ever have problems?” Dex asked Bitty one day while they iced gingerbread cookies. He still didn’t really want to talk about his relationship with Nursey but he had to admit, it was kind of nice that at least one other person knew. Being validated that it was something real that was happening made him feel slightly less insane.

“Sure we do,” Bitty said. “Being in a long distance relationship, and for the most part still being in the closet, can be tough but–”

“No, I mean,” Dex cleared his throat, “in bed.”

That was the other benefit of talking to Bitty. Dex felt like a freak when he googled for sex advice, and he deeply believed that Cosmo articles were just making shit up. May as well go straight to the source. 

Bitty, for his part, nearly dropped the tray of cookies he was taking out of the oven.

“William!”

“You don’t have to get into specifics!” Dex said quickly. “But is it ever, like, not good?”

“Sex with Jack is  _ always _ good,” Bitty said, serious as a heart attack.

“Figures,” Dex muttered.

“What is this about?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh my lord,” Bitty said, removing his oven mitts as if he was tossing his gloves aside on the ice in order to deck a man in the face. Dex flinched instinctively. “Do you mean to tell me that this ‘casual relationship’ that you’re sooo happy with has been going on for months. Months! And the sex hasn’t even been good?”

“Good grief, forget I asked.”

“William Poindexter.” Bitty shook his head and  _ tsked _ . “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Look, never mind about that, but maybe you could just give me some tips for deep throating?”

“Jesus Lord Almighty, we are NOT having this conversation!”

“Fine, fine!”

After a few moments of Bitty fanning himself with the kitchen towel, and Dex looking pathetic and lost, he seemed to take pity.

“Okay, just one tip. But only because I don’t want you hurting yourself.”

Dex sat up straight, giving Bitty his undivided attention. Bitty sighed and looked towards the heavens, presumably reevaluating his life choices and praying for forgiveness.

“Alright, first of all, you have to take it slow. Then–Lardo taught me this one–when you start goin’ deeper you fold your thumb in your fist, like this.” He demonstrated, holding his hand up. “And you squeeze your thumb. I don’t know why it works, but it suppresses the gag reflex and opens your throat a bit.”

“Huh,” Dex said, closing his own fist and trying it a couple times. “Cool.”

“But you wanna know the sexiest tip I ever heard?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“It was about learning to _ communicate _ .”

“Alright, alright, that’s enough. We will never speak of this again.”

Bitty snorted.

“Whatever you want, Dex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admit it, you tried the squeezing your fist thing when you read it lol. Also, I outlined this chapter LONG BEFORE the whole Whiskey subplot ever happened (yes, that's how long I've been working on this fic) so uh ignore any parallels I suppose lol.
> 
> Anywho, HAPPY HALLOWEEN friends! Hope you all have a fun and safe holiday! As always, the next chapter will be up on Wednesday! Chapter 6 is a big one 👀 y'all ain't ready. 
> 
> Alsooo I’m 3 tumblr followers away from 900!? If I can get those last 3 followers I’ll post the next chapter early as a thank you 😊 
> 
> If you're enjoying this fic, please like and share it on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/post/630281626078806016/work-in-progress-by-edgarallanrose-rating-e-word) or [twitter!](https://twitter.com/edgarallanrose1/status/1317464581179101184?s=21) Sharing posts and word of mouth are the best ways to support my work, I appreciate it so much!
> 
> Subscribe to me [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgarallanrose/profile) on Ao3, or follow me on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/), and on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Edgarallanrose1) to receive notifications on chapter updates!


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the last chapter I said if I reached 900 followers on tumblr I would post a chapter early, and y'all did it! Thank you so much, I really appreciate your support, and as promised--an early chapter! Enjoy!

Dex was packing his suitcase when he got a text from Nursey.

**Nurse:** Where you at?

**Dex:** room

**Nurse:** Roommate?

Dex blinked. Nursey asking if his roommate was there usually only meant one thing.

**Dex:** already gone, his flight left this morning

**Nursey:** Dope. Be there in 5

Dex quickly threw a couple more things in his suitcase and bolted to the bathroom to brush his teeth, just in case. 

Nursey knocked on his door a few minutes later and Dex let him in. He looked like a picture out of a catalogue, with his matching scarf and beanie, bundled up in a peacoat. 

“Yo,” he said, already ditching his outerwear and tossing it on the back of a desk chair. “Merry Holiday, bro.”

“Hey, I thought you were leaving today?”

“Not until tonight.” Nursey moved like he was going to sit on the bed, then thought better of it, standing and shuffling awkwardly in front of Dex. Dex raised an eyebrow.

“So, did you just wanna hang? I’ve still got some packing to do.”

“Um, well. If you’re not too busy, I wanted to give you something.”

“Oh, shit.” Dex panicked. “I didn’t get you anything. I thought we agreed on no personal gifts since the team did secret santa?”

“Well, this isn’t like. That kind of gift. I mean. I didn’t spend money or anything. I just thought, uh–”

“Nurse, spit it out.”

“Chill! I want to give you my ass, okay?”

Dex’s brain short circuited. He just stood there with his arms crossed and his mouth open. He wondered if there would ever be a day when Nursey would lose the ability to completely blindside him at every turn.

“I’m sorry,” Dex said eventually, “say that again?”

Nursey smirked, gaining some confidence as he crossed the room to put his hands on Dex’s hips. 

“I want you,” he said, “to fuck me.”

“Right.”

“In the ass.”

“Yeah, I got that part.”

“Chill.” Nursey pressed Dex’s back against the door and kissed his neck. “What do you think?”

“I mean, yeah,” Dex said. The hair on his arms stood up as Nursey mouthed at his skin. “Like,  _ yes _ . But I don’t want to hurt you or anything.”

“You’re adorable, Poindexter.” Nursey was already grinding their hips together. He had probably been hard the second he arrived, since he planned this. The thought did things to Dex. “You’re not gonna break me. Besides, I’ve already done the dirty work for you.”

“What do you mean?”

Instead of explaining, Nursey leaned in to kiss him, hips relentlessly rolling against Dex over and over. He took Dex’s hand and shoved it down the back of his jeans, under his boxers.

“Feel,” Nursey said, giving Dex’s hand a squeeze before licking into his mouth.

Dex grabbed a handful of his ass (Nursey moaned) before slipping his fingers between Nursey’s cheeks. 

“Oh my god,” Dex mumbled when his finger easily pressed inside. “Oh my  _ god _ .”

“All yours, babe,” Nursey said with a wink.

Dex didn’t even have time to pause at the endearment because Nursey was unzipping Dex’s jeans, tugging them and his underwear down to start stroking his dick. Dex kept fingering Nursey, his other hand clutching around his waist to keep him close.

“You gonna get nice and hard for me?” Nursey whispered against his ear. Dex got goosebumps all over his body. He was lightheaded. He’d never been turned on this fast in his life. “Gotta get you ready. You’re gonna fuck me so good, Dex.”

“Yeah,” Dex breathed. “God, your  _ ass _ .”

Nursey pushed away from Dex, and Dex almost complained before he realized that Nursey was trying to strip off his clothes.

“Condoms and extra lube in the coat pocket,” he said while he pulled his sweater over his head. 

Dex stepped out of his jeans while he searched Nursey’s coat. By the time he had everything together Nursey was completely naked, on his bed on all fours. Dex pulled off his shirt and stroked his dick a few more times before rolling the condom on. Dex settled one knee on his bed, letting himself skim the curve of Nursey’s ass and thigh with just his fingertips. 

“Are you sure?” Dex felt the need to ask one more time.

“Chyeah,” Nursey said, though his voice sounded a little high pitched. “Maybe just...add some more lube first. Just in case.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.”

“It’s chill, man.”

Dex spread the lube over himself, and used what was left on his fingers for Nursey. Dex watched two fingers disappear inside Nursey, and Nursey shifted his hips.

“That feel okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good to go,” Nursey said, turning his head to give Dex another wink. “Let’s do this.”

“Alright,” Dex said, sitting up on his knees and lining up behind him. He took a deep breath, and on the exhale said again, “Alright.”

Dex pushed in and tried not to immediately combust.

“Holy shit, you are  _ tight _ ,” Dex said, immediately chasing the feeling and rolling his hips forward.

Nursey made a weird, strangled sound.

“Did that hurt?”

“I’m fine,” Nursey said, his voice tight. “How much is in?”

“Uh, just the tip, really.”

“That’s just the fucking tip?”

“Is it too much?”

“No, just.” Nursey dropped his head forward. “You’re a little bigger than fingers I guess. Keep going.”

“Nurse–”

“Move, Poindexter!”

Dex jerked his hips forward, and Nursey white knuckled the sheets.

“Don’t stop,” Nursey said, before Dex could ask.

So Dex didn’t. He pushed all the way in until his hips met Nursey’s ass. There was sweat beading on his forehead from the effort spent just trying to keep it together. Sex with girls had never been like this. He had never  _ felt _ like this. Dex shut his eyes and threw his head back, his hips moving of their own accord, seeking the heat of Nursey’s body.

“Fuck, you feel good,” Dex said, digging his fingernails into Nursey’s hips. Nursey clenched around him and Dex pitched forward with a gasp. “Shit, fuck, Nurse, I’m gonna– _ fuck _ !”

Dex was coming and there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it. His face was burning, from the aftershocks, and from shame. 

“Oh no,” he said. “Fuck, I’m sorry. Let me, shit, let me at least help you.”

Dex was already reaching around when Nursey said, “No, dont.”

Nursey was completely soft. 

Both of them were quiet. Dex pulled out, Nursey cringing a little as he did so, and he sat back on his heels. Dex’s eyes stung. He hoped he wasn’t crying. He was embarrassed, and confused, yet still reeling in a post-orgasmic haze. He removed his condom while Nursey readjusted his position. Nursey rolled onto his side and turned around to sit cross legged in front of Dex. He cracked his knuckles and then his neck, then they just stared at each other.

“So, I guess you didn’t like that,” Dex finally said.

“Yeah, uh, I guess not.”

Dex’s cheeks flared. He had started chewing on his thumbnail and bit down hard enough that it bled. He barely noticed.

“Was I bad?”

“I don’t think you lasted long enough to be good or bad.”

“Don’t be a dick,” Dex said, without any real heat.

“Sorry. Shit.” Nursey ran a hand through his hair. Dex had never really seen him like this. He looked young and anxious, like a kid who got caught doing something wrong but was still lying to his parents anyway. “Yeah, I guess anal isn’t my fave.”

Dex frowned. “Why would you ask me to do it if you don’t like it?”

“Uh, that was my first time.”

Okay, now Dex was getting mad.

“What the fuck, Nurse! Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“Why did you assume?” Nursey snapped.

“You told me that you’d done this kind of stuff before! It’s why I always let you take the lead, you know what you’re doing!”

“What ‘kind of stuff,’ what are you talking about?”

“Like, with guys!”

Nursey crossed his arms. “Well, I didn’t do  _ this _ .”

“Jesus,” Dex put his face in his hands. “I mean, you know I never did anything like this before you. I need a little help.”

Nursey was quiet again. Quiet long enough that Dex had to look up at him to make sure he was still there. 

“What is it?” Dex asked.

“So, like. There’s something I should probably tell you.” Nursey took a deep breath and stared at a spot on the wall behind Dex’s head. “I’d never given a blowjob before either.”

“What?”

“Or a handjob.”

“ _ What! _ ”

“And I may have led you to believe I was a bit more experienced than I actually, like, am.”

“Right.” Dex pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m starting to gather that.”

The fact that Dex had not completely lost his mind yet was truly an ode to his personal growth.  _ Communication _ , Bitty had said. Well, here they were. Communicating. About how Nursey was apparently one huge fucking liar. 

“Second,” Nursey went on, “it wasn’t ‘stuff with guys’ plural. It was just one guy, at a cast party when I was 16.”

Dex felt the beginnings of a migraine forming.

“Cast party?” Was somehow the more shocking piece of information in that sentence.

“Yeah, uh, I was in a production of Midsummer at this drama camp in the Catskills. He was Lysander. I was Bottom. We hooked up.”

“I’m sorry, there’s a Shakespeare character named  _ Bottom _ ?”

“Have you ever read like a single book in your whole entire life?”

“Hey, I knew it was Skakespeare, didn’t I!” They both huffed, and Dex tried to rein some of his anger back in. He still felt bad for hurting Nursey, but how they fuck were they just having this conversation now? “Well, if you hadn’t done any of that other stuff, what did you and Lysander even do?”

“Um, mostly makeout and dry hump each other.”

“Fucking hell, Nurse! That’s barely anything at all!”

“More than you!” Nursey shot back. “Also, circling back to my former admission of wanting you to believe I was experienced!” 

Dex had to cool down. He got up off the bed and paced the room, hands digging into his hips. Nursey, uncharacteristically, stayed still.

“Why?” Dex said. “Why couldn’t you just be honest with me?”

Nursey shrugged, but didn’t say anything.

“We could’ve been figuring this out together. Instead, I’ve been making an ass of myself all fucking semester.”

“To be fair, so have I.” Nursey leaned back against Dex’s pillows. “I dunno. You always seemed so jumpy and nervous about it. I thought it would make you feel better.”

It had. Which now only made Dex feel worse.

“It was still wrong.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lied. But I felt like if I told you it was my first time too that would make it more serious, and ya know, we wanted to–”

“Keep it casual,” Dex finished, unable to hide some bitterness. “Right.”

“Chyeah. Right.”

Dex sat back down on the edge of his bed. He felt cold. His skin was clammy, and his palms wouldn’t stop sweating. Nursey scooched down next to him, pressing their shoulders together.

“I’m sorry, Poindexter. This was a bad idea.”

Dex’s heart dropped to his stomach. This was it. Nursey was going to end it between them.

“Next time we’ll just stick to hands and mouths, I guess,” Nursey said.

“You still wanna do stuff with me?” Dex asked, needing the clarification.

“I mean, yeah, as long as you do. I didn’t care for that, but I still like being with you. I mean, doing it with you. You feel?”

“Yeah, I do.” Dex turned towards Nursey. “And I’m sorry about earlier. I could tell you were uncomfortable. I should have stopped.”

“No.” Nursey shook his head. “That’s not on you. I told you to keep going.”

“I shouldn’t have listened.”

“Maybe, you usually don’t anyway.” 

Nursey smirked, teasing. So many times that kind of joke had gotten under Dex’s skin in the wrong way. But this time, Dex just laughed. He felt lighter. Like the bulk of both their baggage had finally been stowed. 

“Nurse,” Dex said, running his thumb over the knuckles of Nursey’s left hand. “There’s something I want to tell you too.”

“‘Kay, yeah, wassup?”

Dex swallowed and looked at the floor.

_ I’m a bit confused, but I think I have feelings for you _ , he wanted to say.  _ I like you a lot. I don’t want this to be casual. I want to be more than this, more than friends. Nursey, I want you. I want… _

“I want you to fuck me instead,” is what Dex said aloud.

“No, bro,” Nursey said. “Absolutely not.”

“What, do you not want to?”

“No, obvs I want to. But why would  _ you _ want to after what we just did?”

Dex wasn’t really sure. Handjobs, even blowjobs were one thing. And being the person fucking the other guy was another. This, being on the receiving end, wasn’t something he should want. But there was something about the intimacy of the act that he felt like he had been missing. To know Nursey like that, to have Nursey know  _ him _ . He wanted to get as close as Nursey would let him.

“Just curious.” Dex swallowed. “I feel like gay guys usually have a preference for this, right? Maybe it’s better the other way around.”

Nursey licked his lips, looking at Dex a moment longer before leaning in to kiss him. Dex kissed him back like a man starving and Nursey smiled against his mouth. 

“You’re, like, really awesome,” Nursey said between kisses. “Have I ever told you that?”

“Uh, not really, no.”

“Well, you are.”

Nursey turned them around so he could lean Dex back against the pillows. He was kissing Dex in a way he hadn’t since the very first time they had done it. Slow, sweet, and warm. Like it meant something. 

Dex gripped the tattoo on Nursey’s bicep and the back of his neck as Nursey lowered his body onto his, slotting their legs together. Nursey rubbed the shell of Dex’s ear with one of his thumbs while the other worked Dex’s nipple. Dex gasped up into his mouth, his back arching and their chests pressing together. 

Nursey sat up to reach for the lube that had been left on Dex’s dresser. Dex took the opportunity to run his hands up Nursey’s abs, just because he could. God, he looked good, all strong and broad shouldered. He brushed his fingers over the dark hair on his chest and then the trail just below his belly button. 

“Like what you see?” Nursey asked in a jokey tone as he warmed the lube between his fingers.

“Yeah,” Dex said, too fucking stupid and horny to come up with anything clever. 

Nursey gave him a shy smile and kissed him on the lips again. Nursey slipped his tongue into Dex’s mouth as Dex spread his legs for him. Nursey pressed a lubed finger at Dex’s entrance and just circled there, teasing. Dex’s eyes rolled back in his head and he shifted his hips to try and urge him on. Nursey laughed, low and soft.

“Feel good?”

“Mmm,” Dex confirmed.

“If anything feels weird or bad you have to tell me,” Nursey said, “and I’ll stop right away, okay?”

“I promise. Now fucking touch me, please.”

That seemed to be good enough for Nursey because he immediately pushed a finger inside.

“Feels fine,” Dex said before Nursey could ask. And it did. Maybe better than fine.

Nursey nodded and moved his finger in and out, ducking his head down and latching his mouth onto Dex’s already sensitive nipples.

“Oooh, yeah,” Dex moaned, his hands finding purchase in Nursey’s hair. “Keep doing that.”

Nursey did. Nursey mouthed at Dex’s skin, migrating lower on his body, stopping to kiss the occasional mole or group of freckles and lick and bite at his ribs. Nursey licked the head of Dex’s dick as he added a second finger.

Dex was clenching his jaw together in an effort to keep quiet, but he may have been fighting a losing battle. Especially when Nursey crooked his fingers up inside him and Dex felt a deep pull in his abdomen. 

“Oh, god,  _ there _ .”

“Really?” Nursey frowned. “Huh. When I tried this on me earlier I didn’t get anything out of it. But it’s supposed to be like--”

Nursey repeated the gesture.

“ _ Holy hell, yes _ !”

“Ha, chill.”

Nursey kept at it, and the edges of Dex’s vision started to blur. Dex could’ve taken it just like that for hours. Days. The rest of his life. Nursey had to bring his forearm down across his hips just to keep him from moving so much. Dex could only imagine what he looked like. Panting, writhing, blushing down to his chest. He started laughing at one point, from pleasure or insanity, he couldn’t be sure.

Everything that happened after that felt like a movie. Like something Dex recognized but couldn’t believe it was totally real. When Dex was finally ready and Nursey was inside him, Dex said something embarrassing like, “I want you.”

“You’ve got me,” Nursey said, kissing Dex on the temple. He had Dex’s knee bent over the crook of his arm. He moved Dex’s leg up higher and pushed himself in deeper.

Nursey was careful, but confident. He moved against and inside Dex’s body like he belonged there, like they were made to fit together. It had never felt like this any of the other times they hooked up, and yet it was familiar. It took Dex a while to realize this was what it felt like when they skated together. Their D Men telepathy. They anticipated each other’s every move, in sync through intuition and muscle memory only.

Dex had his face turned to the side on the pillow, eyes fixed on the wall next to him. He didn’t want to know what Nursey looked like right now. He could feel how much Nursey wanted him in the heat of his lips. He could feel how much Nursey cared about him in the gentle touches and caresses of his skin. If he saw those things on Nursey’s face it might be too much.

And he was afraid Nursey might be able to see those same feelings reflected back at him.

“Nurse,” Dex groaned. “Ah,  _ Nursey _ .”

Dex couldn’t stop saying his name. He’d forgotten all other words. He was hard again, leaking between their stomachs, the friction from Nursey’s abdomen just bordering on the side of too much. Every drag in and out threatened to push him over the edge.

“Dex,” Nursey whispered back to him. “You can let go, okay? Let go, Dex.”

Dex did.

He was coming, and Nursey was holding him, and he felt both safe and wanted and exhausted and overwhelmed and used all at the same time. Tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes. Nursey was coming too, his breath hot and wet against Dex’s neck.

Nursey pulled out and collapsed on top of him. They held each other for a while like that, quietly, just trying to catch their breath in the now humid air of the small room. Nursey occasionally pressed a kiss to his shoulder or his chin.

Dex was staring at the ceiling. He was still crying. Well, not really crying, but tears would not stop pouring out of his eyes. He was shivering, despite how sweaty and sticky and warm he was. He couldn’t get a full breath.

_ He and Nursey had...they had just... _

“Dex. Wow.  _ Dex _ , I mean, that was--Dex?” Nursey had lifted his head off the pillow and was looking down at him. “Are you alright?”

“Fine.” Dex’s voice was small.

“Why are you crying?” Nursey went to wipe his tears away with the pad of his thumb which only made Dex start to actively cry.

“I can’t breathe,” Dex gasped. “Get off me.  _ Get off me _ !”

Nursey listened, quickly moving to the opposite end of the bed as Dex sat up and clutched at his chest. He took wheezing breaths through his mouth.

“Dex,” Nursey said carefully. “You’re hyperventilating.”

“You need to leave,” Dex choked out.

“I’m not leaving. I think you’re having a panic attack.”

“I’m not —I ’m.” Dex struggled to speak. Was he dying? It felt like dying.

Nursey got up off the bed and pulled his boxers back on. Then he yanked the comforter up from Dex’s bed and wrapped it around his shoulders before forcing a water bottle into his hands.

“Drink,” he said.

Dex did as he was told and gulped it down. Drinking the water did help. His chest was still heaving, but at a slower pace. Nursey was rubbing his back. When his sobs subsided to more of a sniffling cry, Nursey spoke again.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No,” Dex said immediately, his voice scratchy.

“No, actually think about it for a second. Having a full blown panic attack after sex is not normal. Is there something we need to talk about?”

Dex took another sip from the water bottle, considering Nursey’s words. There was so much he needed to tell him. So much he wanted to say. But still so many things that he didn’t quite have the vocabulary to express yet. 

He felt like he had a cold. Stuffy. Miserable. Contagious. 

“I don’t wanna talk right now,” Dex amended.

“That’s fine.” Nursey squeezed his shoulder. “Later then. What do you need?”

“I’m sorry, Nurse,” Dex hiccuped. “I really need to be alone.”

Nursey sighed, but said, “Okay.”

He silently moved around the room, redressing in all his winter layers. Dex just sat there, slowly going numb.

Nursey held his hat as he stood by the door.

“Text me, okay?”

Dex nodded. Nursey stood there a moment, twisting his hat in his hand like he wanted to say something else. But, instead, he just left.

Dex laid back down on the bed, curling onto his side. 

“One step forward, two steps back,” Dex said aloud to himself.

It wasn’t ‘just sex.’ It had never been ‘just sex.’ Not for Dex, anyway. 

But Dex still had no idea what it actually was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woof, a lot going on in this chapter. How y'all feeling? I can only promise that good things will happen for Dex soon lol.
> 
> Now, here's a question. Since this went up early, should I skip Wednesday and push the next chapter to post on Saturday? Or should I keep the regular schedule, post chapter 7 on Wednesday, and then chapter 8 (the last one! Ah!!) on Saturday? Let me know what you'd prefer!
> 
> If you're enjoying this fic, please like and share it on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/post/630281626078806016/work-in-progress-by-edgarallanrose-rating-e-word) or [twitter!](https://twitter.com/edgarallanrose1/status/1317464581179101184?s=21) Sharing posts and word of mouth are the best ways to support my work, I appreciate it so much!
> 
> Subscribe to me [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgarallanrose/profile) on Ao3, or follow me on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/), and on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Edgarallanrose1) to receive notifications on chapter updates!


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Since the last chapter posted early, I asked y'all whether or not I should post today or wait until Saturday, and was largely encouraged to post today haha. Also, for us Americans, it's a very stressful week, so I'm happy to provide a distraction for those who need one 💜 But thank you to everyone who commented, I really appreciate you so much. This chapter might be my favorite of the whole fic. It's gonna be a more wholesome vibe than we've had thus far, which I think is what we all need right now lol. I hope you guys enjoy! We're in the home stretch!!

Dex did almost anything to stay out of his house over winter break. His little brother was going through a truly obnoxious teenager phase. His mom asked too many questions. His dad just made him nervous. He would skate, or take long walks along the coast. He found the song that Nursey had played for him on the roadie and listened to it on repeat, earbuds tucked under his hat as he stomped through rocky hiking trails. The lyrics rang in his ears.

_I'm mostly scared I am mostly unprepared I'm a mess  
_ _I've lost most of my self as the waves came crashing down I'm a wreck_

_I've bought up all my dreams and sold off most my heart  
_ _I'd been lying to myself just to bury all my thoughts_

Maybe he was just torturing himself. Some par for the course masochism. But his avoidance was the only thing keeping him from completely falling apart. 

Working himself to the point of exhaustion was the healthiest coping mechanism he had. Most days, he ended up with his Uncle Joe on the lobster boat. 

They were docked across the harbor late one morning after what would probably be the last good catch of the season. They had stopped at a seafood shack where they both sat with steaming bowls of clam chowder in front of them. Dex wiped his nose with the back of his hand, his nose still running and his skin chaffed from the cold wind off the water. 

Joe never talked much while they worked, which Dex liked about him, but he always made an effort to keep up with Dex’s life. He asked about school, his grades, and hockey. He had been more like a second father to Dex growing up, driving him to practice and helping him with homework. When Dex got drunk once at a high school party he had called Joe instead of his parents. He had always been there for him.

Dex had always thought he would grow up to be just like him. Joe had played hockey too, but never went to college. Gave it all up to take over the family business. He was also the middle brother. Obstinate, hardworking, and endlessly kind though he always seemed a bit mad at the world. 

They understood each other.

“They work you too hard at that damn school,” Joe said after Dex told him the courses he planned for spring semester.

“That was one of the reasons I chose Samwell, besides the team.” Dex tore open another packet of oyster crackers and dumped them into his bowl. “Some of those other schools were all sports and nothing else. The academics were a joke. Samwell takes them pretty seriously.”

“They better, for all that tuition they charge you.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“I just wish you had more time to be social. You’re young, you should be goofing off, doing things you’ll regret the next day.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Dex muttered, “I still somehow find plenty of time for that.” 

“You meet anybody yet?”

Dex rolled his eyes. “No, I told you. I’m--”

“Too busy, sure.”

“Caroline asked me if I wanted to see her over break.”

“Your girl from high school?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you gonna see her?”

Dex shrugged. Caroline had texted him before he left school, but he had been too fucked up to even think about replying. She had texted him again that morning, and Dex still wasn’t sure what to say. 

“I think that chapter of my life is over.” Dex stared into his soup bowl as he made patterns with his spoon.

“That’s the spirit,” Joe said. “I never cared for that girl, anyhow.”

“Hey!”

“Nothing to do with her, or your taste, son. But you’re bigger than her. I’ve always said so. You’re going on to do better things than settle down in the town you grew up in and knock up your high school sweetheart.” 

“Like my dad?”

“Now, I didn’t say that,” Joe laughed, tapping the side of his nose. Dex snorted.

“You should talk,” Dex said, “you never married.”

“Ah, well, it ain’t the life for some people.”

Joe was the only one of his generation in the Poindexter family not to marry. The perpetual bachelor. It drove Dex’s grandmother crazy.

“Maybe it’s not the life for me either,” Dex said. 

“Don’t be so quick, you got your whole life ahead of you.” Joe wiped his mouth on his sleeve and pulled his hat lower over his ears. They stuck out, just like Dex’s. “I got my own reasons for keeping to myself.”

Dex let go of his spoon and fiddled with the zipper on his fleece. Joe’s face was hard, but also etched with a profound sadness that Dex wasn’t sure he had noticed before. He had deepset, baggy blue eyes and a bushy silver beard, though the mop of hair under his hat still had a bit of a ginger tint. Dex was starting to wonder if maybe they had more in common than Dex already knew.

“I might have my own reasons, too,” Dex said, so quiet he wasn’t sure if his uncle had heard. 

But he had. Dex could tell from the way his face went carefully blank that he knew exactly what he was talking about.

“You don’t have to know yet,” he said. “You’re still a kid.”

“Did you know? When you were my age?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “In hindsight, yeah, I guess I did.”

Dex sniffed, rubbing at his eyes before staring out at the boats bobbing in the choppy water, the sky gray and unforgiving. Waves crashed against the rocky shore and a gull cried over their heads. When Dex licked his lips he could still taste the salt of the ocean on them. This place, this feeling, was his childhood, but it wasn’t his home anymore. It was just the only thing that he knew before Samwell. 

Before Nursey. 

It still broke his heart that he had left home and changed so much. Even if it was arguably for the better. He didn’t feel like he could belong there anymore.

“I don’t want to be like this,” Dex admitted.

“I’m sorry,” was all his uncle said. 

They ate quietly for a few minutes. There was a lump in Dex’s throat that he tried to swallow down with every bite of soup. Joe scratched his beard then looked up at Dex again.

“So, I take it you _have_ actually met somebody then?” Joe asked.

Dex nodded. Joe mirrored his movement, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

“Like I’ve always said, you’re meant for a life that’s better than the one I know,” he said. “Things are changing for your generation. You’re gonna be okay.”

Dex’s eyes stung, the tension in his muscles releasing for the first time in months. He didn’t know how much he needed to hear that.

“What about my parents?” Dex asked, the last shreds of worry still clinging. “What about my dad?”

“Well, I hope it never comes to you having to choose between family and being yourself. But if it does, you choose yourself,” he said fiercely. “Choose happiness, you hear me?”

“Okay,” Dex’s voice broke. He felt like all he did was cry these days. 

“And Billy, know that you’ll always have me, alright?”

Dex let out a wet laugh. “No one calls me Billy anymore. Not even mom.”

“I’m allowed to call you Billy for as long as you're still a snot-nosed kid.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dex said, pointedly blowing his nose. “Thank you, Uncle Joe.”

Joe stood up and put his hand on Dex’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. 

“I’m in your corner, son.” He cleared his throat. “Clean yourself up then let's head back out. Still a few more traps to check.”

Dex went to the bathroom, scrubbed at his face and fixed his hat and jacket. He pulled out his phone and looked at the text from Caroline. He hovered his thumbs over the screen, about to reply, when he went back to his messages and opened up his chat with Nursey. He tapped out a text and sent it before he could second guess himself.

 **Dex:** hey. we should talk tonight.

\--- 

“Whoa,” Nursey said, his voice tinny over the phone. “The ‘Secret Gay Uncle’ spot was not something I was expecting to fill in on my Poindexter Fam Bingo card. And yet, somehow, I totally was?”

“Yeah, that’s kinda how I’m feeling too.”

Dex sat on an empty dock. The sun had already dipped below the horizon, and his feet dangled over the dark water. It was really too cold to be sitting outside, but Dex knew this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have in his house. He rubbed his thighs with a gloved hand in an effort to keep warm.

“Welp. I’m glad you had someone to talk to, anyway. This shit is rough.”

“I still don’t think I’m gay,” Dex said, kicking his boot against a wooden beam. 

“That’s chill,” Nursey said. “I mean, I’m not gay either. I’ve been looking into it and I think I’m pan.”

“Oh, okay. Cool.”

“Since we’re being honest, I’ve gotta tell you, I think part of the reason this whole thing started with us is I felt like I wasn’t queer enough, you know? I had to prove it to myself. Which is dumb, like, your experiences don’t dictate who you are.”

Dex’s heart sank. He gripped the edge of the dock, willing his voice to stay even.

“If that’s what this was about, then why me?” Dex asked. “There are literally countless comfortably queer dudes at Samwell who would have been happy to be your sexual experiment.”

“No, that’s not—that came out wrong. It wasn’t like the _main_ reason, and it wasn’t something I was even totally conscious of. I’m just realizing now.”

“Then why _me,_ Nurse?” Dex asked again. Nursey sighed heavily into the speaker, the sound popping in Dex’s ear. 

“I guess I just like you, Poindexter.”

Dex bit back a smile. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry about all those things I said before,” Nursey continued. “It’s not my place to, like, police your sexuality. You can call yourself whatever you want.”

“I guess I’m comfortable saying I’m not exactly straight. But I’m not sure that bi is right either. Or that other thing you said.” Dex stood up, pacing the dock to get his circulation going again and to get rid of his nervous energy. “To be honest, it’s always been really difficult for me to tell because I barely even get crushes on people. Then every once in a while there’s someone I’ll fall really hard for, or—” Dex caught himself, “you know. Be attracted to, wanna sleep with them.”

“Oooh, _oh_ ,” Nursey said like he was having some kind of epiphany. “Well, if you ever want to talk about it more, or explore it, we can.”

“Maybe. I don’t think I wanna label it right now,” Dex said. “But I’m glad I got to talk to my uncle today. I feel better about it than before.”

“That’s dope, man. I’m really happy for you, Dex.”

Dex sat back down, resting back on his elbows.

“Though I should probably tell you, there is someone else I’ve talked to.”

“Oh?”

“Bitty.”

“Oh, sure, that’s probably a good—”

“No, I mean, he knows about us, Nurse.”

“You _told_ him?”

“No! Jesus, he saw us making out.”

“Fucking great,” Nursey grumbled. “I mean, we can trust Bitty.”

“Yeah, of course we can.”

“We should probably be more careful.”

“That’s only what I’ve been saying since day fucking one, bro.”

“Whateeever.” Nursey paused. “In that case, you should know that Chowder also knows.”

Dex sat straight up.

“Since when!” He shouted, his voice carrying across the water.

“I’m not sure when he pieced it together, but he talked to me around Hausgiving, after Jack and Bitty came out.”

“Shit,” Dex hit his fist against his knee. “Was he mad?”

“Nah, you know C. He was just kinda sad that we felt like we had to keep stuff from him. But he understood why.”

“Why didn’t he talk to me?”

“Told him not to. Wasn’t sure how you’d react.”

“Yeah,” Dex sighed. “Fair. I’ll talk to him when we get back.”

“Chill. Hey, Poindexter, guess what?”

“What?”

“I finally finished that poem I’ve been working on.”

“Yeah? Let’s hear it.”

“Well.” Nursey dragged out the word, lilting up at the end like a question. “What do you know about poetry?”

“Um, sometimes it rhymes but sometimes it doesn’t? What is this, a test?”

“Okay, but does it mean anything to you if I say I’ve been experimenting with the sonnet form? Or mention Wanda Coleman?”

“I don’t know Wanda Coleman. I know the ‘Shall I Compare Thee’ one. I did pass English II Honors, you know.”

“Oh, honors even,” Nursey chirped. “Mine doesn’t rhyme. Not really. Just a heads up.”

“Read the damn poem, Nurse.”

Nursey cleared his throat and Dex heard the flip of pages in the background. He pictured Nursey hunched over his little leather notebook, tongue between his teeth, before he took a deep breath and read aloud:

“I grew up cold concrete and blue windows  
Ice between my toes, under fingernails.   
I used to pick my scabs on purpose just   
To know how it feels when you’re seeing red   
Hair, red skin, red bitten lips, please, I want   
That fire below his belly, amber   
Of his eye, the ember he left in me.   
I was a pilot light and he’s the spark.

It’s blazing inside of me and isn’t  
Even mine. Can you see the smoke? The soot?   
Will you brush your hands off on my blue jeans,   
Keep yourself clean, free from blisters and scars?

I’d let you burn me to cinder, because  
When old blood comes to the surface, it’s purple.”

Dex was quiet for a long time. The only sounds were the waves slapping against the dock and Nursey’s breath on the other end of line.

“I’m still workshopping it,” Nursey said eventually.

“What’s the title?” Dex asked. He wasn’t sure what else to say.

“I haven’t decided yet. It’s a work in progress. I don’t like to come up with a title until it’s finished.”

Dex bit off the cuticle of his index finger and hugged his knees into his chest.

“Nurse, was that poem about...was it about…”

“Yeah. It is.”

Dex nodded, before remembering Nursey couldn’t see him. “Okay.”

“Are you alright? Was that too much?”

“No, no, I’m fine. Well. Maybe a little overwhelmed. But I liked it, for whatever that’s worth. You’re a really good writer.”

“Thanks, bro.”

“Though I’m not sure how I feel about the ‘fire below his belly’ line. Is that supposed to be a reference to my ginger pubes?”

“Heh. Yep.”

“ _Nurse_.”

“What? I like them.”

“You are fucking ridiculous.”

“I know.” There was a grin in his voice. Dex smiled back, leaning his head back to look up at the sky. He spotted and named a couple of constellations just to situate himself, like his uncle had taught him. Big Dipper. Orion. Cassiopeia. In the distance, Mars and Venus flickered.

Dex could ask him now. _What does all of this mean?_ _What do you want?_ _What are we?_ But he couldn’t shake the feeling that asking Nursey to define it would ruin everything. Nursey was too nebulous, too changeable. He would hate it if Dex tried to box him in.

It was safer to leave things as they were.

“I should probably go back home,” Dex said. “I’m freezing my balls off.”

“Yo, I will not be held responsible for the loss of either ball or balls.”

“Talk to you later?”

“Yeah, Poindexter,” Nursey said, so softly that suddenly Dex wasn’t feeling very cold at all. “We can talk whenever you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised I would be nicer to Dex eventually! There's still more that Dex and Nursey need to talk about, but they are both putting in the work on getting better! The sheer levels of communication 😩 Also writing Uncle Joe was very therapeutic, shoutout to my OC lol.
> 
> The song Dex is listening to was "Mostly" by Vian Izak ft. Juniper Vale
> 
> This saturday...the last chapter! See you then 💜
> 
> If you're enjoying this fic, please like and share it on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/post/630281626078806016/work-in-progress-by-edgarallanrose-rating-e-word) or [twitter!](https://twitter.com/edgarallanrose1/status/1317464581179101184?s=21) Sharing posts and word of mouth are the best ways to support my work, I appreciate it so much!
> 
> Subscribe to me [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgarallanrose/profile) on Ao3, or follow me on [tumblr](https://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/), and on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Edgarallanrose1) to receive notifications on chapter updates!


	8. Eight

Spring semester had never been much to look forward to for Dex. It always felt like you blinked and suddenly it was midterms and then it was over. And hockey wasn’t even doing it for him, considering their standing this season. Yet, Dex found himself waking up in a good mood every morning. 

Because he knew every night he would be with Nursey. 

Some nights they didn’t even hook up. They did homework. They watched Netflix together. One night they walked the perimeter of Lake Quad and just talked. 

But like. There was definitely still a lot of hooking up. 

They spent a lot more time in Nursey’s single these days, which was incredible. Without the threat of a roommate they could take all the time they wanted with each other. No more rushed handjobs and sloppy blowjobs. Though they might have been a little over enthusiastic at first, because Ransom noticed how sore Dex was at practice and nearly benched him. Nursey thought it was hilarious. Dex thought he would straight up die if anyone ever mentioned it again, and told Nursey to lighten up.

Sometimes on weekends Nursey would ask Dex to spend the night. Dex tried not to make a big deal out of it, but one night after they had cleaned up and were getting ready for bed he had to ask.

“Why weren’t we doing this the whole time?” he asked. “Staying in your room, I mean.”

Nursey chewed the side of his cheek. “If I tell you, promise you won’t get mad?”

“Sure, I promise.”

“I needed an excuse in case I wanted to bail. Or if you needed an out. If we were here, with no interruption, there’d be no reason to stop unless one of us wanted it to end. And that freaked me out a bit.”

Dex nodded, rubbing the corner of Nursey’s sheets between his thumb and forefinger. That had been his guess. He just wanted to hear it.

“You don’t wanna bail anymore?”

“No.” Nursey smiled, climbing under the blanket and squeezing his body next to Dex on the twin mattress. “I don’t.”

Dex wasn’t comforted by this. Things were better now, but the history of Dex’s life told him that something was bound to go wrong. Dex stayed awake long after Nursey fell asleep, listening to his open-mouthed snores, and memorizing the shape of his profile so he wouldn’t forget it after Nursey inevitably decided to stop asking him to stay.

A surprising silver lining to everything was having Chowder in the know and on their side. Dex hadn’t realized how much he had been avoiding hanging out with just the three of them for fear that Chowder would catch on, and it was such a relief to have him completely back in his life. Dex told Chowder as much one Sunday over Jerry’s brunch. 

“I thought it was my fault,” Chowder admitted, nervously tugging the strings of his Shark’s hoodie. “That I was spending too much time with Cait and you guys felt left out, or something.”

“Oh god, no. I’m so sorry. We were just too wrapped up in our own shit and didn’t wanna drag you into it. You're still our best friend.”

“You’re mine too. I guess I realized that it probably didn’t have anything to do with me when I saw the way you look at each other.”

Dex frowned, stabbing a sausage. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh-em-gee, you guys are like major heart eyes all the time!”

“Lies. Slander.”

“It’s true! Wait, I took a picture once.”

“You did what?”

Chowder scrolled through his phone. “To send to Cait, to ask her if I was crazy. She said, and I quote, ‘Oh, they fuckin’.’ Which, uh, was not exactly what I was saying when I asked her, but I mean…”

Dex rolled his eyes and took Chowder’s phone when he offered it to him. It was a picture from the locker room; it looked like Ransom and Holster were talking to the team. It had to have been from a couple months ago. Dex was sitting down, elbows resting on his thighs, and Nursey was in his spot next to him. Their knees were touching. Dex was smiling a bit, looking down at the floor, but Nursey was looking right at him, that perpetual smirk gracing his face. Though it looked less like a smirk here. A bit softer. 

“We’re just sitting together,” Dex said, returning the phone, though his heart was now in his ears.

“Sitting together romaaantically!”

“Whatever.” Dex hid his face behind his coffee.

“I think it’s kind of exciting! First Jack and Bitty, now you and Nursey. Oooh, I wonder who’s next!”

“We’re really not like Jack and Bitty,” Dex said. “I’m not planning on being any kind of public about...any of this. And I don’t think we’re—well, it’s not like that.”

“Oh.” Chowder deflated a bit. “Well, that’s okay.”

“If we’re guessing who’s next though, then my money’s on Ollie and Wicks.”

\--- 

The beginning of March brought miserable weather and a miserable end to their hockey season. They weren’t going to make it to the Frozen Four, but Ransom and Holster were still pushing them to finish strong. Frigid rain was beating down on Faber’s floor-to-ceiling windows during their game against Minnesota. They were behind 2-0 after the second. Chowder had started crying between periods and Bitty was holding his hand. As a team they were barely keeping it together.

Dex tugged his jersey away from where it was sticking to his chest and sat down next to Nursey. Number 18 from Minnesota had knocked Nursey down pretty hard in the first period and he was still rubbing at his arm.

“You okay?” Dex asked, prodding at the arm himself. Nursey jerked it away.

“Yeah. Frankie’s always been a dick. It’s no big deal.”

“You know him?”

“He was the year ahead of me at Andover. He never liked me.”

“Why?”

“Racist, probably.” Nursey shrugged. “Homophobe. His father never loved him. I dunno, take your pick.”

Dex searched for him across the ice and narrowed his eyes when he spotted his jersey. 

“I’ll fuck him up for you,” Dex offered.

“Nah, he ain’t worth it. It’s just one more period.”

Hall and Murray called them back out and Nursey gave him a wan smile before putting his helmet back on. 

Dex took his place on the ice and barely heard the buzzer before everyone was moving. Nursey was in his peripheral, both of them behind the puck. Everything after that happened like a film on fast forward, with Dex’s brain following about two seconds behind his body. 

Nursey had the puck. Dex was only ten feet away from him, skating backwards and lining himself up for the pass. Dex looked up and away from him for just a second to see Tango skating towards him to finish the play, when Dex heard the sound of bodies colliding and someone falling. 

His head snapped so fast his neck cracked. 

Nursey was facedown, a spatter of red around him where his chin connected with the ice. Number 18, Frankie, was standing over him. Frankie hadn’t even stolen the puck, he was just there to make sure Nursey couldn’t get back up. Dex saw him mouth an ugly word, spitting it at Nursey. It was a word Dex had heard on the ice probably a million times. He had been damn near desensitized, but now Dex saw the violence of it. And being directed at Nursey…

Dex was sprinting across the rink, the edges of his skates digging into the ice as he hurled himself at Frankie. Dex got him in a headlock and tried to yank him off his feet, but he knocked Dex back with an elbow to the ribs. Dex was shouting, practically foaming at the mouth as he threw his gloves to the ground. The guy took a shot at Dex’s face, but Dex blocked him and got him with an uppercut to the jaw. The refs were quick to appear after that, but Tango and Holster were already dragging Dex back, while three members of the opposite team did the same with Frankie. Bitty was helping Nursey up, an arm slung over his shoulder. Nursey was yelling too, at Dex, but Dex couldn’t hear him. 

Dex was given a penalty and was thoroughly chewed out by Hall and Murray. There was a lot of talk about how if he had tried that shit earlier in the season there would have been serious consequences, but that still wasn’t off the table going forward for next year. 

Dex asked if he could see Nursey. His whole body was vibrating. He was doing that thing again where he wasn’t exactly crying but tears just fell from his eyes and there was nothing he could do to stop them. Hall and Murray exchanged a glance with each other then eased up on him a little. 

“I know you were just looking out for your partner,” Murray said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “The refs should’ve handed out a penalty to #18 sooner, to be honest. But when you engage in that kind of behavior you endanger yourself and other players.”

“I know. It won’t happen again.”

“You’ve always been an emotional player, Poindexter,” Hall said. “Passionate. That’s a good thing. But you’ve got to channel it in appropriate ways.”

“That being said, I’m glad you got a lick in. That guy was a real piece of work.”

Dex snorted, humorless, wiping his face with the back of his hand.

Whiskey managed to get them a goal in the final thirty seconds, but there still wasn’t much to cheer about. Nursey hadn’t gone back out on the ice because his chin might need stitches. He was already en route to the urgent care by the time Dex made it to the locker room. Dex texted him but didn’t get a reply. 

“Dex,” Bitty said, a bit hesitant as he stopped by Dex’s stall on his way out of the room. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, the guy barely touched me.”

“No, I mean. I thought I’d seen you mad before, but—”

“I’m fine.”

Bitty nodded, but his brow was furrowed. His fingers twisted in that anxious way he did when there was something he couldn’t quite say.

“Nursey’s gonna be alright. It was just a little cut.”

“Yeah.” Dex nodded, swallowing a lump in his throat.

Of course Dex was worried about Nursey being physically alright. With his clumsy habits, that was more or less a daily concern. This was somehow beyond that, but Dex wasn’t sure how to explain it.

Dex went back to his dorm and showered there, not really washing and more just standing and letting the water pound against his back. He thought back to that shower he had shared with Nursey. The first time he had touched him. The way that things hadn’t quite clicked for him then the way they did now. 

He’d fucked everything up. 

Dex still got angry. He still lashed out despite his best efforts not to. He thought he was getting better, but that fight out on the ice would prove to Nursey that he still couldn’t control his impulses. He had hurt Nursey so many times, and he couldn’t blame him if he couldn’t forgive him for that. 

He left the bathroom and paced his room. Nursey still wasn’t texting back.

Was this how it ended? In silence, unspoken?

If anything, Dex thought it would be more explosive. A shouting match, breaking furniture, something as over the top as the two of them. The idea of it just fizzling out completely was somehow even more unbearable. 

Chowder texted him, and so did Ransom and Holster. Dex replied enough to confirm he was alright, but he didn’t feel like talking.

Surely Nursey was back from the urgent care by now?

It was still pouring outside, and the little light that had persevered behind the clouds was starting to disappear. Dex checked his phone one more time before taking matters into his own hands and lacing up his sneakers. 

He wasn’t going to allow another moment of uncertainty and silence to pass between him and Nursey. He didn’t want to play that game anymore. If Nursey wanted things to end, he was going to have to tell him.

But that didn’t mean that Dex wasn’t going to fight for him.

He yanked the hood of his jacket up and ran headfirst into the storm. The rain was so cold and coming down so hard it knocked the wind out of him. The steady downpour from earlier had turned into a full-fledged thunderstorm. The pressure of the air around him squeezed his chest and made his muscles ache as he pushed through the torrential rain. 

His uncle’s voice rang in his head. Choose happiness.

He was only a few blocks away from Nursey’s dorm, but he couldn’t get in as a nonresident. He banged his fists against the front door until a disgruntled RA came to open it. 

“Forget your ID?” He asked, unmoved by Dex’s obvious distress.

“Uh huh,” Dex said, breathless, shoving past him to get to the stairwell. 

He took the steps two at a time, racing to Nursey’s floor and skidding to a stop outside his door.

He collected himself for a moment, leaning over to put his hands on his knees and catch his breath before knocking. He was sopping wet, dripping onto the carpet. He probably looked insane.

Nursey answered the door, eyes widening a little at the sight of Dex. There were butterfly bandages on his chin, but he otherwise looked okay. He opened the door wider to let Dex in then shut it behind them.

“Yo, are you alright, man?” Nursey had the audacity to ask. Dex collapsed back against a wall.

“Are _you_?” he practically shouted.

Nursey just laughed, looking at him fondly. Dex was so confused.

“Chyeah, I didn’t even need stitches. Discharge took forever since it was a school related injury. I just got back.”

“Oh.” Dex clutched his chest. His knees were ready to give out. “Um. Good.”

“Did you run here?”

“Uh.”

“Where’s the fire?”

“You weren’t replying to my texts.”

“My phone died.” He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder to indicate the phone charging on his desk. “What, did you think _I_ died?”

“No, god. I just. I thought you were angry. After the game.”

“Poindexter.” Nursey sighed, sitting on the edge of his bed. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

“I know.”

“In fact, I explicitly told you not to.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“It was scary, dude.”

Dex nodded, even though his ribs were being crushed under the weight of his heart. 

“I’m sorry,” he said again, hanging his head. “I don’t want you to feel that way around me. But I can’t help it.”

Nursey got up and crossed the room, tipping Dex’s chin up with a finger. “Hey, no. I mean I was scared _for_ you. Not of you. I don’t want you putting yourself in the path of destruction for me.”

“Nurse, I had too,” Dex said, his temper rising again just thinking about it. “That guy—”

“—We play a contact sport, Dex!” 

“He had it out for you—”

“—People are always gonna—”

“—I’m not gonna let—”

“—come after me for—”

“—somebody hurt the person I love!”

Nursey’s mouth snapped shut. Dex’s chest was heaving. He had both hands on Nursey’s shoulders, desperately holding onto him. He looked directly into Nursey’s stormy hazel eyes, watched as they welled with tears. Thunder peeled outside and rattled the window. Dex took a shuddering breath. 

“Nurse. Nursey. Derek. I know we’ve had our issues, and kind of a weird time this year, but you have to know how much I care about you. You have to know I’d do anything for you.”

“How would I know,” Nursey said, his voice hoarse, a single tear tracing down his cheek, “if you never said anything?”

“I’m so sorry.” Dex rested their foreheads together. Nursey was gripping the front of his jacket, pulling him closer. “You deserve so much better, but I can’t keep doing this if you don’t know the truth. I love you, Derek, I’m in love with you. I love you so much it hurts. I’ve never felt like—well, I didn’t know how to deal. I wanted to just be your friend, I thought I could stop.”

Nursey was shaking his head, but he didn’t interrupt him. 

“I’m sorry,” Dex apologized again, feeling like he had nothing else to offer, “and I love you.”

Nursey pulled away from him, nodding and placing his hands on the sides of Dex’s face.

“Okay,” Nursey said. “Okay, okay. Chill.”

Dex had to laugh, a genuine laugh, though the sound came out a little choked. “How did I expect any other reaction?”

“What? It is chill, I’m just freaking a little!”

“I take it all back. Forget I said—”

Nursey grabbed him behind the ears and heaved him in for a kiss. Dex wrapped his arms around him, pushing back, kissing just as fiercely. 

“Shit, Poindexter,” Nursey groaned. “I love you too, you dipshit. You absolute dumbass. I love you so fucking much.”

“You’re such a pompous asshole. I love it. Fuck,” Dex said, getting misty again even though he couldn’t find it in him to stop kissing Nursey at the same time. 

“Don’t start crying. ‘Cause then I’m gonna cry again, and I wanna have sex.”

“Shit, we can cry and have sex.”

“Oh, fuck, yeah.” Nursey’s voice was full of wonder. “We so can.”

They moved away from each other long enough for Nursey to peel off Dex’s soaking jacket, his hands gliding over Dex’s abs after rolling up the wet t-shirt that had been clinging to his torso. Dex was shivering, his skin still damp, but he managed to remove his jeans quickly before Nursey got impatient and threw him onto the bed. Nursey crawled over him before reaching behind his neck to tug his own shirt off by the collar. Dex sat up to kiss him again, open mouthed and wet, the taste of him already pushing Dex close to the edge. 

Nursey was rubbing Dex over his boxers while Dex got Nursey’s pants off of him. Dex let Nursey move him where he liked him after that, helpless under his touch, desperate for more.

He was struck, not for the first time, at the sheer beauty of Derek Nurse. Not just because he was fit, his bronze skin stretched over taut muscles, and full lips that parted to reveal blinding white teeth. It was the way he pressed his body down on top of Dex, like he couldn’t feel enough of him at once. The pretty things he whispered into Dex’s ears while his fingers made quick work of opening him up. The way his breath stuttered when Dex reached into his hair and yanked against his scalp. The way his eyelids dropped half-shut, his irises dark as he met Dex’s eyes and pushed inside.

Dex didn’t look away this time. He couldn’t. He would never be able to settle for less than all of Nursey again. There was a smile pulling at the corners of Nursey’s mouth and he bent down to kiss Dex sweetly as his hips rolled against him. But Dex needed more.

Dex pushed at Nursey’s shoulders and rolled them over, seated on top of him. Nursey’s hands ran up the planes of his stomach, across his ribs and down his spine. Dex made a little circle with his hips, just to see what kind of noise Nursey would make.

He didn’t disappoint. 

Nursey tossed his head back against the pillows, mouth open, moan climbing out of his throat. Dex pitched his weight forward, settling his hands on Nursey’s chest and continuing the movement for a while. Dex thumbed at Nursey’s nipples and Nursey cried out, hips jerking up. Dex gasped, shifting his weight back and sitting up straight so he could fuck himself properly.

“Nurse,” Dex panted, working his thighs, Nursey meeting him for each rise and fall. Dex petted Nursey’s chest, traced along his neck, dragged his thumb across his mouth and lovingly over both cheeks. He’d never been so fucking fond in his whole life and he needed Nursey to know, for sure, how much he cared for him.

“Dex,” Nursey answered back, his hands clutching Dex’s hips. “Dex, fuck I love that. I love you. I love—yes, god, Dex!”

“Come for me,” Dex begged. “Please, fuck, I wanna—”

“Yeah.” Nursey sat up, readjusting Dex’s position in his lap as they rocked together, breathing into each other’s mouths. Nursey reached between them, taking Dex in hand. Dex curled in on him, whimpering. “That’s it, baby, with me. Come on. I know you want it while I’m inside.”

Dex nodded, gasping. The only speech he was capable of was “yes” and “Nurse” and “please.” 

When Dex came Nursey moved him onto his back, fucking into him until he finished too. Dex held Nursey down over him, kissing him across his nose, his eyes, each corner of his mouth. They whispered more “I love yous” while their lungs fought for air. 

Nursey fell to the side of him, wrapping an arm and leg over him, kissing his ears and tickling his neck. Dex sighed, happy, smiling up at the ceiling like he just couldn’t help himself. 

“Poindexter,” Nursey finally said, nibbling at his earlobe. “I’ve gotta say. Your love confession was truly god-tier stuff. And I meant what I said earlier. I love you too. But you can never call me Derek again.”

Dex laughed. “Deal.”

“It sounds so wrong coming out of your mouth.”

“It felt wrong, but I was aiming for sincere.” 

“I don’t think you would’ve sprinted across campus in a thunderstorm just to tell me that you love me if you weren’t totally fucking sincere.”

“This is true.”

Nursey left the bed for a minute to throw away the condom and grab some tissues for both of them to clean up. Then Dex pulled him under the covers, holding him close, nosing the curls along his hairline as Nursey breathed into the crook of his neck. The rain had lightened up, the percussive staccato against the window slowing to a gentle tapping.

“How long has it been?” Nursey asked. 

“Since what?”

“How long have you known that you love me, duh.”

“Oh, _duh_ ,” Dex threw back at him. Nursey chuckled. “Well, how long it’s been and how long I’ve known are two different questions.”

“Tell me both.”

“Uh, in hindsight, I’ve probably liked you a long time. I was definitely gone after the first time you kissed me.”

Nursey’s eyebrows shot up. “Dex!”

“I didn’t realize until more recently though! It was during that roadie, the first time we blew each other.”

“ _Dex!_ ” Nursey snorted, before absolutely losing it. He was laughing so hard there were tears in his eyes. Dex started laughing too, because yeah, it was ridiculous when he said it out loud. “That is the least romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Hey, the heart wants what it wants, or whatever.”

“Those were also, like, the worst blowjobs of all time.”

“They weren’t great, no.”

“That was months ago!”

“I didn’t know if you liked me back!”

“I wrote you a sonnet, bro. That’s gay as hell. Like, Gay Shit 101.”

“Huh. That _was_ pretty gay.”

“Unbelievable.” Nursey shook his head.

“Okay, smart ass, same questions for you.”

“Would you believe me if I said that I liked you the moment I set eyes on you, and I’ve actually been flirting with you since day one?”

“No, I would not believe you.”

“Yeah, we did lowkey hate each other for a sec. But damn, it was worth a try.”

Dex poked Nursey in the ribs and he flinched away.

“Alright, alright, for real. So, it happened simultaneously for me. It was last summer, right after school ended.”

“That long? Christ, Nurse!”

“Chyeah, I know.”

“What happened? What changed?”

“Nothing happened, exactly. I got home from school, and I realized I missed you. And not like, in the same way I missed Chowder. I couldn’t get you out of my head all summer. Also, you kept dodging my skype calls and it drove me crazy.”

Dex rolled his eyes. “I told you, I was working over the summer!”

“Whateeeever.”

“Besides, you didn’t tell me you were calling ‘cause of your big stupid crush on me.”

“Pssh, I bet that would’ve gone super well.”

“Yeah.” Dex sighed. “I’m sorry it took us this long.”

“It’s cool,” Nursey said, turning his attention back to Dex’s ears, and Dex let out a little moan. “I’ve got you right where I want you now.”

“God help me.”

“Mmm, your _ears_!” Nursey groaned, biting them for emphasis. “I just wanna roll ‘em up and smoke ‘em.”

Dex snorted. “What?”

“You heard me. I know you did. Heh.”

“Wow, it just never stops, does it?”

“Never will. You’re stuck with me now, Poindexter. Like it or not. I’m yours.”

Dex turned his face to see Nursey smiling back, his face open and easy. 

“Do you mean that?” Dex asked, quiet, like sharing a secret. 

“Yeah,” Nursey said, brushing his fingertips across the freckles on Dex’s nose. Dex closed his eyes to the touch, then fluttered back open to meet Nursey gazing softly down at him. “Yeah, I do.”

And for the first time, Dex believed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 💜  
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> That's it, that's the fic! 
> 
> Wow, guys. What a ride it's been. And what a week for us Americans 😅 Thank you for going on this journey with me. Thank you for all the support you've given me before and during the posting of this fic. And if you're just reading for the first time because you were waiting for it to be posted in it's entirety, I so appreciate your patience and thank you for being here 💜 It took a lot of time and effort for this fic to be written (again, cannot believe I spent over a year and a half on this) and completed in the form you just read it in. A bajillion thank yous again to my wonderful betas, [Dancing_Adrift](https://twitter.com/Dancing_Adrift) and [wizardbuckley](https://wizardbuckley.tumblr.com/), they are truly angels from above. 
> 
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